The path to self-improvement, self-awareness, or whatever you want to call it is rocky, winding, convoluted, strewn with obstructions (I suspect of our own making), and littered with shiny objects designed to distract us, and keep us from reaching truth. I don’t know why it is this way. I just think it is.
For truth is where improvement lies. And of course you all know by now what I think of truth. It like ‘fact’ is merely a perception. So is truth that personal a thing? Truth or the perception of truth is so personal that it can only be my truth, and not necessarily your truth?
I am seventy-one and no closer to wisdom than the day I was born. Is truth wisdom? Or does wisdom lead us to truth? I think of these things every time I learn something new about myself.
Recently I discovered that under the guise of love I have been judgmental. Judging the actions of those I love, but not realizing it was judging, rather thinking it was love mixed with ennui and fear?
How did this epiphany occur? By discovering that those who love me (give your head a shake if necessary, I am not talking about romantic love) have in fact been judging me. This all came about because of a decision I made about something, that, while it did not impact my nearest and dearest caused them to make a judgement. About me. “Well she shouldn’t have done that.”
When this came to me through a conversation designed to explain concern my initial reaction was, “??”
I mentally objected that my nearest and dearest were judging me. There is no question that they love me. And they think their concern is in my best interest.
That’s when it hit me. The awareness really had nothing to do with them but it acted like a mirror. That’s when I realized that I sat in judgement of those I loved. It did not change my love for them. But I discovered a few uncomfortable things:
- When you sit in judgement of anyone, you place yourself above them.
- You may think you are loving them, but when you judge, that is not love. It is judgement.
- To truly love you must not judge but must accept. Right or wrong you accept.
- Your love provides a safe place. You are the rock.
- We are all human. We make the worst decisions at times. And at those times those who love us never stop.
- There are no conditions to love. (If you do this and don’t do this I will love you)
The most difficult thing is to realize that no matter how old you are there are always lessons to learn. And even more humiliating is the realization that so many others recognize the Truth long before you.
I know one thing;
I will never again judge those as right or wrong, those whom I love.
This is not about me.