Judge not…

The path to self-improvement, self-awareness, or whatever you want to call it is rocky, winding, convoluted, strewn with obstructions (I suspect of our own making), and littered with shiny objects designed to distract us, and keep us from reaching truth.  I don’t know why it is this way.  I just think it is.

For truth is where improvement lies.  And of course you all know by now what I think of truth.  It like ‘fact’ is merely a perception.  So is truth that personal a thing?  Truth or the perception of truth is so personal that it can only be my truth, and not necessarily your truth?

I am seventy-one and no closer to wisdom than the day I was born.  Is truth wisdom? Or does wisdom lead us to truth?  I think of these things every time I learn something new about myself.

Recently I discovered that under the guise of love I have been judgmental.  Judging the actions of those I love, but not realizing it was judging, rather thinking it was love mixed with ennui and fear?

How did this epiphany occur?  By discovering that those who love me (give your head a shake if necessary, I am not talking about romantic love) have in fact been judging me.  This all came about because of a decision I made about something, that, while it did not impact my nearest and dearest caused them to make a judgement. About me.  “Well she shouldn’t have done that.”

When this came to me through a conversation designed to explain concern my initial reaction was, “??”

I mentally objected that my nearest and dearest were judging me.  There is no question that they love me.  And they think their concern is in my best interest.

That’s when it hit me.  The awareness really had nothing to do with them but it acted like a mirror.  That’s when I realized that I sat in judgement of those I loved.  It did not change my love for them.  But I discovered a few uncomfortable things:

1. When you sit in judgement of anyone, you place yourself above them.
2. You may think you are loving them, but when you judge, that is not love. It is judgement.
3. To truly love you must not judge but must accept. Right or wrong you accept.
4. Your love provides a safe place. You are the rock.
5. We are all human. We make the worst decisions at times.  And at those times those who love us never stop.
6. There are no conditions to love. (If you do this and don’t do this I will love you)

The most difficult thing is to realize that no matter how old you are there are always lessons to learn.  And even more humiliating is the realization that so many others recognize the Truth long before you.

I know one thing;

I will never again judge those as right or wrong, those whom I love.

This is not about me.

IS WANT DESIRABLE?

IS WANT DESIRABLE?

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘Want’ lately.

The most frequent definition is similar to Merriam-Webster 1. To be needy or destitute.  2.  To have or feel need.

Thefreedictionary.com says it is – to desire greatly; wish for.

Wiki.answers.com goes a little further and says ‘Want refers to what you absolutely have to have and ‘need’ refers to something that you don’t really lust for – but you just need it.

Answers.yahoo.com says – DESIRE is when you want something you can’t have.  WANT is when you don’t need it but you get it anyways.

I always thought that reaching a point where one says, ‘I want nothing’ was a sign of happiness, an expression of gratitude.  I don’t think it means you have everything you could want, it just means that you are grateful and appreciative for what you have.  I disagree with M-W that WANT means being needy or destitute and agree whole heartedly with the second part – To have or feel need.

There are many, perhaps too many, in this day of materialism who WANT, not because of need, unless you count the need to possess as much as possible.

I think there is a much more positive side to WANT.  Because of want we set goals and move ourselves and society forward.  Want is not always about self, but the accomplished goal is indeed personal.  WANT is an acknowledgement and from there comes our plan, our goal.

This is a very narrow positive because wanting and not receiving affects us.  So then what happens?

We can accept the ‘not having’, we can I suppose change the WANT, although if the wanting is part of our need it is not easy to give up.  Some who WANT change nothing and live, I believe, half a life never being able to get past that thing and move on.  These are the bitterest lives immersed in anger and every form of negativity.

There are special people out there who WANT and accept the not having and chose to live in joy.

WANT AS A SOURCE OF HOPE OR BELIEF

This weekend a young man died.  I only met him a couple of times but my sister was a friend.  He was born on the other side of the world in a country where his mother had to hide him so he would not be killed.  Eventually they came to live in Canada, where despite my occasional groans about politics and institution is an excellent place to live.

Here he was loved by many.
Every day he went out about the town in his electric wheelchair.  Malls were one of his favorite spots to hang out where he cheered so many with his smile and laugh.  He loved people and they in turn loved him.

In the summer he loved to go to a local park where he got out of his wheelchair and sat by the lake on a rock.  Just like everyone else.  He had wants and was never embittered by them.  He had joy for others and his want was a dream that could not be allowed on this plane of life.

It was just a few days ago when he spoke, as well as he could speak, and he told her that when he got to heaven someday  he would be able to walk, would be able to run and jump.  And his belief gave him joy.

He never resented others for what they had, he was just happy for them.

He died, this man loved by so many, somehow falling or rolling from the rock into that lake and drowning.  And as my sister spoke of him yesterday she softly said, ‘He just wanted to be normal.’

And for a time I thought of WANT and the people whose lives are ruined by it and I thought of people like this man who in the ‘not having’ enriched everyone else’s life. And I blushed through my tears as I drove home, ashamed that my Wants have at times been negatively flavored and I found a gratitude and overwhelming joy at what I do have, and found myself wondering what I can do to enrich other lives.

You see I met this man perhaps twice and if this is the impact he had on me you have some idea of others and the value of their tears.

R.I.P.

Becoming Pure of Heart

Becoming Pure of Heart

The search has been on this last while for information, inspiration to give definition to my existence.  We are all defined in some way by some measure, a definition we create and live with, but my search has not been so much to seek definition as much as refine that definition.  Perhaps redo that definition, and yes I believe it can be done.  However I have discovered it is a little more difficult that initially thought.

It is not that I do not like who I am, I like me very much, but I want to be more, the best that I can be.  Be the best you can be, a phrase we are all familiar with. When I first became comfortable in my own skin a few years ago realizing I like me I thought, mission accomplished!  One never knows how long we get to live in this life especially for those of us in the last third of our life as Shirley McLaine calls this aged, aging period in her book, ‘I’m Over All That.” And the thought occurred that regardless how much time I have on the third planet from the sun I want to make the best of it.

Yes I want to stay funny, silly, curious, compassionate, gentle, charismatic, but I want to be so much more.  It wasn’t enough to determine what changes I wanted to make or add, or at least it didn’t turn out to be that easy, because then followed the grueling work of first assessing where I was in right now.  In painting a picture of how I wanted to see myself I had to face up to some truths that I am much better at ignoring.  Now don’t get me wrong, denial is more than a river in Egypt.  It is a very successful tool in surviving life at times, but can so easily become a habit to slide into like a knife in a sheath, firmly wrapped and held.  Such a comfortable place to be. 

My sister has teased me for years about living in Chrissyville, which is such a lovely optimistic positive place, and we giggle about this wonderful land of joy. Chrissyville needs a do over or at least a more solid base.

I can now see the person I want to be and it is thrilling but UGH it means changing some habits and habits are difficult to change by their very nature.

I am defining this growth as Becoming Pure of Heart which may not be an entirely accurate depiction though it is somewhere to start.

This is not about changing or becoming something ‘other’, it is a journey to ‘better’.  I guess when I retired I thought I was done with growing in a way.  You know, settled, as mature as it gets, and then oops there comes a feeling that we never stop growing, that there is more to do, more to be.

But where do you start?  It seems easy enough to make a list of bad habits to break as a beginning.  Do I tackle the list one by one, which will require some sorely needed patience (another growth factor)?  

To choose not to evolve within the chrysalis we call life is counter productive to the universe as a whole.  Everything evolves one way or another or dies.

What works for you?  All advice or comments are certainly welcome as I have found a wealth of knowledge and wisdom exists in our blogging world.

Hope

Attempting Chapter One..wild horses..gremlins et al

The first Chapter. The Manifesting Manual by Jafree Ozwald and Margot Zaher…….Will it work??

I found this first chapter a little overwhelming.  It seemed pretty simple at first by asking me to determine exactly what I would want to manifest.  Not too hard to figure out.  It also says in the intro that to increase manifesting abilities you must do Chapter Nine every day for ninety days.   Will check that out when I get there.

It got into comparing the mind with wild horses and I was uncomfortable with this for some reason.  Then it got into Negative Gremlins which hold all our negative thoughts and steps in how to eliminate this.

Somehow there was a fair bit of discomfort, and I was not sure if this just does not make sense to me or if in fact the negative thoughts are that difficult to deal with.  I did the three exercises or meditations.  One was for fifteen to twenty minutes, then another for thirty minutes and then a third.  I decided to combine them into one session and set my timer.  I did not make the whole time so will try again later today.

So it seems to me that this first part was about determining exactly what I want to achieve and shifting my energy from a negative to a positive.  It’s about letting go of doubt, fear, skepticism, isolation and separation.  All of existence is energy never ending.  It’s about curiosity.  It’s about Joy.

So far I am buying into this.  I have known for a long time now that circumstances may not change but a good day vs a bad day seems to be in the attitude.  I have also found that a positive attitude definitely attracts good things.  I just want to live it more consistently – to be better at it.

Something new to learn..

Following the Manual

Jafree Ozwald and Margot Faher wrote a book called The Manifest Manual.  I bought the book on line since I could use a little serious manifesting and I had been receiving some tidbits by email over the last few months.

The book has fourteen chapters and I have perused the book and am now ready to read it.  I love to read but not wanting to waste my time, I read through each book quickly.  If it gets my interest then I read through again.

The book promises a lot…if you follow it exactly.  Well tomorrow I start and will post what I get from each chapter each day.  Let’s see what lies ahead!