Tag Archives: postaday2012

Don’t Tell, Replace, Tune Out

I have been trying to listen.  Really listen.  To me.  Trying to solve some things, find answers to questions that niggle, which when used as a verb means to cause slight but persistent annoyance.  Yes I want persistence but not of the annoying kind.

I have mentioned more than once that the greatest wisdom and insight this poor mind has is during those moments when I am almost fully awake in the early morning but have not opened my eyes yet or changed position.  Either of those two seems to be enough to dissapate whatever world shaking news my secret self was about to share with the struggling conscious me.

DON’T TELL

So this morning something different occurred.  Well a couple of different things.  The first was that when I had a clear detailed dream I made myself question things as they happened.  I remember seeing a primary character in my story or at least something representative of him and then it shifted deeper into the background and layers of walls and blocks one by one slid in front of it.  I questioned, for the first time in this kind of dream ‘why’?  Why, when the answer is so clear would it be muddied by layers that are going to have to be taken off one by one?

The question alone presented the answer.  I was in awe of the depth and complexity of my character, who although not a good person is quickly becoming my favorite.  When he first revealed himself to me it was in layers and I felt like it was a journey of discovery and got so excited that I wanted to portray that immediately.  But of course!  I should not blow his cover, as it were, to you any quicker than he is ready to reveal himself.  That’s the key to the story.  Any story!  I was just so excited at figuring this guy out..what motivated him to do what he did…the journey that made him who he is in the present…I just wanted to blab it all out. HA Go figure.

REPLACE

This is something else that came to me in those few minutes I am starting to call the Wisdom Moments.  (And by the way, I remembered what I needed by refusing to open my eyes until I committed key words to memory, reciting them again and again, as I swear it is like Fort Knox and once I am truly awake the doors slam shut and the gates are lowered.)Somehow it was connected with the dream but the message was ‘Replace’.

You see I have been struggling with a couple of issues I want to change but the thought of perhaps a little discomfort in doing so sort of put me off.  How could I make the change successfully?  Both are habits.  One is that every night I have a drink  of Scotch, or two.  Now the fact is that I believe in the benefits of a daily sip, but I am annoyed that there seems to be an internal clock and click, at six, pour drink.  I fully support imbibing it is just the every day ritual I dislike.  Actually last week I made it a point not to partake and felt pretty good all week.  It wasn’t the discomfort of not having a drink, but that niggle again, you know the persistent annoyance of changing a habit.  And it renders me less creative because then my mind goes into  holiday mode – R&R.

So in the spirit of ‘Replace’ I shall replace that with beer….NO NO…just kidding..a nice cuppa tea like Mom used to make with cream and sugar.  Perhaps I will pick up some 18% cream for that once a day treat.  Now that I can look forward to.

The other issue is so secret I hate to say it but…my grandson thinks I quit smoking a long time ago and the only safe time for me to have one is late at night when he is in bed.  SHHH!  First of all I hate sneaking around.  What am I?  The child here?  Secondly I hate lying to him.  Deceiving him.  So soon as this is posted on goes The Patch.  The shame is not in the smoking, I support those who wish to smoke, the shame for me is in the deceit.  I considered being truthful with him and telling him to get used to it, he’s not the boss of me.. but I think I just don’t care to pursue this particular avenue of self destruction right now.  Not worth my time or money and it actually is interfering in my creativity since I have to pop outside to do the deed.

TUNE OUT

This advice did not come from within, beyond or anywhere except my email.  Once I woke, wrote down the key words I needed, I checked my stats and emails for all your posts.  Being Gemini this is part of what it said – (and no before you even think to ask I do not plan or live my life according to said scope, but it is amusing) – You need some peace and quiet.  Don’t even pick up a newspaper – try to not even think!  Just tune out and take care of yourself.

Nuts I just get this thinking thing down and now…..well too late for today.  I’ll have to try and not think tomorrow!  Have a wonderful day all!

Cabin Fever

So the whole week has been a snuggy one staying inside and being warm in the face of winter and by this morning I awoke and thought, Oh no, its Cabin Fever~

Time to get out..head out on the highway…looking for adventure…OK back to the reality of it all…it meant a trip to Kitchener.  My SIL who is one of my besties has spent the last three weeks in Rome, Nairobi and Amsterdam and finally, finally after 3 weeks came home.  I like travel, but I have to say three weeks is way toooo long.

Anyway she got home yesterday so off I go this morning.  Cold..minus something..but the roads were clear..which is a biggie…had lunch and met her this afternoon.  Quite disgusting really as she looked younger and more vital than pretrip although she insisted being on the verge of exhaustion.  I should look so good when exhausted!

It dawned on me while driving home later in the day how wonderful my  life is.  I have the extreme pleasure of loving and being loved by wonderful people mostly because if love had to do with deserving it I would have none.  There is so much I would change if I had it to do over again..but since it seems there are no do overs…then I am doubly blessed.

Somehow there is a worth that we may believe is not deserved but somehow it is deserved.  And that my friends who doubt miracles, is the miracle.

Beyonce JZ New Baby..YuuuCh

I am so sick of overly rich people adoring their new borns.  Even Jennifer Garner who I have admired says she will do anything for the happiness of her children.  Excuse me but that turns my old age stomach.  Life, and I don’t care how rich you are, is not easy and children should,in my opinion, be taught that it is hard, something to be conquered.  Instead the new young are being taught they are adored, and will grow to believe the world owes them something, and by God they will throw a tantrum until they get it.

For some reason, far beyond my ken, life is meant to be hard, I don’t know why but it is.  I don’t care if you believe in fate, the now of it all, or nothing at all.  Life is hard.  And if you think that parents who give all to their young on a silver platter, and constantly tell them…you are wonderful, you are magic, you are the be all and end all…well all I can say there is much disappointment waiting beyond tomorrow.

There are lessons to be learned.  Forget the silver platters because when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of it all..well there are just nuts and bolts.

What have you taught your children today?   What will they remember?

Separating the Wheat from the Chaff and the Boy from the Poop

It’s a lovely Saturday here on the mountain. Cold with no wind and a crisp layer of snow on the ground.  I suppose it is laughable that we call it a mountain especially to my friends on the west coast but it is ours and we like it.

Today we have done some usual chores, son and G1 are out buying a toy he has saved up for, G2 is sitting quietly and DIL is catching up on some paperwork.  The plan is to go for a family swim later today, something both G1 and G2 love.

Me?  I am rewriting Chapter 2 trying to get into the head of one of my characters.  I have done 2 rewrites on this particular chapter and am not been happy with either.  There is something I am missing but am not quite sure what it is but am confident I will recognize it when I see it.

I have opened my apartment today to the critters of the household who usually reside with the rest of the family.  Jewels, the deaf white is sleeping peacefully on the back of my sofa.  Scout who has been renamed Henry is getting cozy trying out different spots which has included my lap and chest as I try typing.  Bree our yellow is happy anywhere but especially under my desk when I work.

Now Jack our third white who I have previously reported as being foul mooded since the arrival of Henry stalked around here a bit taking the odd swipe at Henry and then left to be near DIL.  Funniest thing is that during any given work day the animals are scattered but when DIL arrives home all, and I do mean all, congregate in the kitchen en masse and then where ever she goes.  DIL is a Dr. Doolittle which suits her profession as Vet Tech.  If you need a pet whisperer of any sort she would be your choice.

Now in addressing the Chaff and the Poop.  It seems G2 who at three is learning to take dominion over parts of his life as he should do, had also decided not to part with the products of certain body functions, which is not unusual in this age group.  This was never a particular problem with G1 who is now eight, although I do recall that at that age he had decided that if the back yard was suitable for the then canine in residence, Scooby, it was good enough for him.  It was an amusing and temporary problem easily solved once we got G1 to identify with the humans in the house rather than the animals.

There doesn’t seem to be an easy solution for the problem at hand but I hope the wee guy gets it straight soon… for his own comfort.

Any suggestions out there from you  experts would be greatly appreciated!

And now a pic of our dear departed Scooby taken in 09 through the back window of the playhouse.

From studerteam.blogspot via skiingmama.wordpress The Best!

Inspired by a Pin I’ve recently seen about “rules for dads with daughters,” I went searching for a similar list for moms with sons.  This search was mostly fruitless, so I was inspired to write my own Rules for Moms with Sons.  Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial.  So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt – but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives.  You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life.  From “Can I go play with them?” to “Should I ask her to marry me?”  Its a big job, but as the mumma, we’re up for it.
25 Rules for Moms with Sons
Source: pre-schoolplay.blogspot.com via Tabitha on Pinterest
1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment.  He’ll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.  Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.  Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.  Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games.  There is no doubt that he will tell you to “stop, mom” when you sing along to his garage band’s lyrics.  There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts.  There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you’ve been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.  He will tell you to stop.  He will say he’s embarrassed.  But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.
3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt.  He may not always choose to do it.  He may not ever have to do it.  But someday his wife will thank you.
Source: offbeatmama.com via offbeatmama on Pinterest
4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, “Children become readers on the laps of their parents.”  Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books.  Let him see you reading…reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles.  Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever.  Writers are the transcribers of history and memories.  They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important.  And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.
5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals.  No matter where you go, no matter who you meet – they have some form of the three.  It doesn’t have to be good.  Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it’s perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.
6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).
7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).
8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things.  If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything – remember this:  If you have done any of the following:  a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering…you are a superhero.  do not doubt yourself for one second.  Seriously.
Source: simplymontessori.blogspot.com via Terry-Anne on Pinterest
9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice.  and it will make the world a little better of a place.
Source: swagbucks.com via Adriana on Pinterest
10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won’t be able to be there.  Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.
Source: theberry.com via Chris on Pinterest
11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people’s feelings.
Source: heatherbeadles.com via Heather on Pinterest
12. Let him ruin his clothes
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes.  You’ll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don’t waste your energy being angry about something inevitable.  Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes.  Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.
13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song.  Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
Source: shanna-kaye.com via Shanna-Kaye on Pinterest
14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away.  Just go outside and follow him around.  Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions.  It’s like magic.
15. Let him lose
Losing sucks.  Everybody isn’t always a winner.  Even if you want to say, “You’re a winner because you tried,” don’t.  He doesn’t feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed.  And that’s a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids.  This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again…..)  Instead make sure he understands that – sometimes you win – sometimes you lose.  But that doesn’t mean you ever give up.
Source: None via Emma on Pinterest
16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help.  Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.  Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.
Source: data.whicdn.com via Meagan on Pinterest
17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn’t just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.  You become a better writer by writing.  You become a better listener by listening.  You become better speaker by speaking.  Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks – they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing.  Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip.  Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier.  Practice, practice, practice.
18. Answer him when he asks, “Why?”
Answer him, or search for the answer together.  Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches).  Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself.  Someday, when he needs to ask questions he’s too embarrassed to ask you – he’ll know where to go to find the right answers.
Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Maegan on Pinterest
19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.
Source: babyhold.com via Katie on Pinterest
20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
…without interrupting about how to do it the ‘right way.’  If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.  You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers.  And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom,  you will stay connected to what is happening in his life.  Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.
Source: familyfun.go.com via Kate on Pinterest
21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog.  Give him something to go crazy with – or he will use your stuff.  and then you’ll be sorry.
Source: bleubirdvintage.typepad.com via Marybess on Pinterest
22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic.  Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.  For the rest of his life, he’ll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
Source: None via Tabitha on Pinterest
23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.
Source: None via Anne on Pinterest
24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet.  They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day.  But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender.  So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, ‘what happens in between that made you lose that?’  Let’s try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they’re loving and kissing them even more when they’re wild.  Kissing them when they’re 2 months and kissing them when they’re 16 years old.  You’re the mom – you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets – and make sure he knows it.   p.s. (this one is just as important for dad’s too).
Source: smallesthings.blogspot.com via Sherry on Pinterest
25. Be home base
You are home to him.  When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.  When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.  When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you’re the only one who will listen that many times.  When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.  When he is sick, he will call you.  When he really messes up, he will call you.  When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.  Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.  Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
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Update:  January 2012
Thank you to all who have stopped by and given me words of encouragement & support.  Thank you to all who have re-posted, pinned, tweeted, or facebooked this post (and sourcing my site).  Thank you to those of you that have read my list as I had intended; as a reminder on the hard momma days when you feel like you either want to scream or lock yourself in the bathroom and cry…this was a list I wanted to come back and remind myself who I want to be to my child and who my child needs me to be.  How to be the best mom to my child.  I am inspired by the many readers who, despite disagreeing with a few word choices or rules, were able to make adaptations to the list for how they could be the best mom for their kid(s).   This was a list for me, but to hear from so many of you out there that were able to find a connection with it has been overwhelming, inspiring, and makes me feel very safe to know that I’m no where near alone in this crazy journey of raising a boy.
Many of you have asked for printable versions of my list..well, ask and you shall receive!
Visit here for the short version of my list (just the main points of the 25 rules)
Visit here for the full version of my list

Image of the Frozen North

We are a little confused here in the Frozen North.  I am not talking about the Arctic but southern Ontario Canada. Of course we are not ‘the Frozen North’ to everyone but I do have friends of the non-Canuck variety who think anything beginning with ‘Cana’ and ending with ‘da’ qualifies.

We should be in a winter freeze by now and while many of us complain about the Jack Frostiness of the season we accept it.  Never mind those of the ski and snow board ilk who are spending their time sadly going through photos of the past (last year) and telling their children of the good old days when we had white stuff on roads, walks, driveways and hills.  Naturally the purveyors of winter sports are suffering mightily and hopefully Santa did not leave any sleighs under Christmas trees in this part of the world.

The green green grass of home remains so, appearing more like spring than winter. Even, or maybe more so, nature is thoroughly confused.  We have a very old beautiful Magnolia tree in the back yard that has buds on it as pictured here.  The poor thing doesn’t know what it should be doing.

Magnolia Tree with Buds

Now the pic of the Playhouse is the same regardless of season but I couldn’t resist adding it.  My son built it a few years ago for G1 and my DIL painted it free hand.  Pretty impressive I think.

Scooby Play House

Oh and the kitty?  Well that is Jewels who has laid claim to the laptop tray.  She is pleasant enough although she is deaf so she has no idea of the volume of her meows.  We have two other white cats, one called Scout actually just came to live with us, is three years old and affectionate.  Then there is Jack who has been here a few years and who since Scout arrived has taken a dislike to me, swiping at my legs when I walk by him.  Perhaps he thinks I brought Scout in.  Scout is a male also so perhaps there is a territory thing going on.  With all of this we have poor Bree our one year old yellow lab.  She is lovely, affectionate and completely over run by the felines.

The Reliable Unsurprisingly Surprising Mr. King 11/22/63

Stephen King unsurprisingly tells a tale in 11/22/63 that is way more than it would seem at first glance, which in itself is hardly surprising because you don’t build a huge readership and fan base by going for the obvious.  Mr. King always delivers that little bit more and he does it with style.

Ostensibly the book is about using time travel to prevent the assassination of John F. Kennedy in November 1963 in Dallas Texas.  The idea being of course that so many of the bad idea roads America travelled down following that event would have been prevented.  Seems like a short sweet idea with a big final hurrah at success.

I said in a blog recently that we must be careful of what we wish for and Mr. King aptly demonstrates the why’s of that caution and by the time you finish reading this novel you may answer the question: ‘If you had the power what one thing would you change in the past?’ a little differently at the end of the book than you might have in the beginning.

For one thing the story becomes very personal on more than one level.  I like that King writes from an everyman perspective so there are no big talk- their- own- language scientists around.  How the time portal works from Al’s Hamburger joint by stepping through the pantry cannot be explained.  It just is.  And when you go down the steps into the past you always arrive at exactly the same moment: at 11:58 a.m. on the morning if September 9, 1958.  This very fact has a huge impact on everything.

How Al Templeton, the original user of this portal,  makes the best use of the opportunity may at first seem rather mundane, but then he experiments a bit with some deeper subjects and comes up with a plan that will have worldwide impact.  Except, because of a glitch he must find someone else to do the deed, or as it turns out, the deeds.  And that’s where Jake Epping aka George Amberson comes in.

Intrigue and sub plots are woven as intricately and delicately as an elaborate lace tablecloth double and tripled layered here and there and well everywhere.  It’s a delicious story that is not as farfetched as say Michael Crichton’s Timeline (which I adore and reread again and again). Um I must take that statement back because Timeline is believable.

11/22/63 is expansive because it is not nicely encapsulated with a beginning, middle and end, but has endless possibilities in our own minds.  The potential for discussion of those possibilities is immense and leaves the door wide open for more.  What is the story of the man with the yellow card?  I want to know more about him and the others like him.  How many portals are there?  Who else has used them to what end?

I love it that the past is obdurate and like Dean Koontz’ (best book of his all time in my opinion), Lightning the past (or Fate) will seek to return, to correct change.

It is easy to become intimate with each of the characters: Jake, George, Harry Dunning, Al, The Yellow Card Man, Lee Harvey Oswald, Marina, June, Sadie Dunhill, so many that count so much.  The people are as real as you and I and that is why we care so much about them.  There are no heroes here, just folk like you and me, living the best we know how in any given moment, and often coming up just that wee bit short.

Junking The Post

Junking the Post

I wrote a post earlier today about indecision being the greatest time waster of all.  Then I junked it having judged it as being neither witty nor delightful.  Instead it was kind of whiny and negative about all I have not done, have not achieved, not, not, not.  Then I read a few of your posts and chatted to some folk.  Then I thought about all that and quickly gave myself a good swift kick.  You know the kind that rattles your teeth and shakes up the stagnant gray matter pieces that are supposed to be servicing me with intellect and talent?

I love it when I have wisdom to share and am a little pouty that when I need some it is absent, no doubt hanging around some naturally brighter brain than mine – if in fact wisdom is a brain thing and there is NO way I am getting into that discussion today.

If I were wise I would tell the young man whose life appears to be shit right now that while fecal agitation can be a good thing now and then, to look at every aspect of his life he is complaining about and think long and hard about the positive parts he is forgetting about and focus on those.  I would tell him to imagine for a moment that he lost everything he hates right now.  Everything and everyone that irritates and angers him is gone.  None of it is here anymore.  Is that better?  Don Henley sang, “..an angry man can only get so far until he reconciles the way he thinks things ought to be with the way things are..”

Anger, I believe comes from fear and fear I can understand.  Fear stops me from being my best and following my dreams but having recognized it (the fear) I figure I can still win.  Anger also comes from carrying someone else’s cross and giving others power over you.  You can’t change others only yourself.  You don’t have to take back your power, it was always yours.  You just have to realize that.

Does that mean never be angry, never be fearful?  Of course not, just put it where it belongs.  Just like you should never ever supersize your fries, don’t supersize your fear or anger. Don’t let it be your primary feeling.  Others feel it just by seeing you or hearing you and then they become angry or afraid, or they withdraw from you to protect themselves.  If you live in anger you live alone and angrier than ever.  Anger/fear will destroy your business, friendships, family.

If I were wise I could tell you how to stop, how to get off this negative track but that wisdom is beyond me.  It is something I know, but I do not have the right words to make you feel it.

If I were wise I would tell another young man who has no anger but accepts the shit life deals him that it doesn’t have to be that way.  We are what we think, our thoughts.  Yes unfortunate and downright terrible things happen and we can accept that they do happen but we don’t have to believe that we deserve what we get.  We need to believe that we deserve better and will have better.  The theory is that we get what we believe we deserve or will get.  I can buy into that because I have experienced it firsthand.   I also know that true belief is not easy to get.  It seems easy once you have it but it is like a switch that just goes off and again I do not have the wisdom to tell you how to get it.  All I can do is tell you it does exist.  I can give you books to read, experts to consult, but if you are not ready or willing it will come to nought.

And if you are one of the lucky ones you may even have wisdom.

I Asked For Wisdom

I asked for wisdom and got it and found it is painful to be so wise.

I asked for strength then decided I could never have the strength I needed, so I left it to God and the Universe to be my strength.

I asked for patience and realized that all things flow in their own time and patient or not changes nothing.

I asked for independence and found value in interdependence as no one is just one.

I have gotten everything I have ever asked for and found there is truth in  ‘Be careful for what you wish’.   I wonder when it was I realized I wished for the wrong things?

And knowing the power of The Wish I hesitate in the doorway of another year afraid to get it wrong but needing to get it right.  I wonder if that indeed is wisdom?