I have been trying to listen. Really listen. To me. Trying to solve some things, find answers to questions that niggle, which when used as a verb means to cause slight but persistent annoyance. Yes I want persistence but not of the annoying kind.
I have mentioned more than once that the greatest wisdom and insight this poor mind has is during those moments when I am almost fully awake in the early morning but have not opened my eyes yet or changed position. Either of those two seems to be enough to dissapate whatever world shaking news my secret self was about to share with the struggling conscious me.
So this morning something different occurred. Well a couple of different things. The first was that when I had a clear detailed dream I made myself question things as they happened. I remember seeing a primary character in my story or at least something representative of him and then it shifted deeper into the background and layers of walls and blocks one by one slid in front of it. I questioned, for the first time in this kind of dream ‘why’? Why, when the answer is so clear would it be muddied by layers that are going to have to be taken off one by one?
The question alone presented the answer. I was in awe of the depth and complexity of my character, who although not a good person is quickly becoming my favorite. When he first revealed himself to me it was in layers and I felt like it was a journey of discovery and got so excited that I wanted to portray that immediately. But of course! I should not blow his cover, as it were, to you any quicker than he is ready to reveal himself. That’s the key to the story. Any story! I was just so excited at figuring this guy out..what motivated him to do what he did…the journey that made him who he is in the present…I just wanted to blab it all out. HA Go figure.
This is something else that came to me in those few minutes I am starting to call the Wisdom Moments. (And by the way, I remembered what I needed by refusing to open my eyes until I committed key words to memory, reciting them again and again, as I swear it is like Fort Knox and once I am truly awake the doors slam shut and the gates are lowered.)Somehow it was connected with the dream but the message was ‘Replace’.
You see I have been struggling with a couple of issues I want to change but the thought of perhaps a little discomfort in doing so sort of put me off. How could I make the change successfully? Both are habits. One is that every night I have a drink of Scotch, or two. Now the fact is that I believe in the benefits of a daily sip, but I am annoyed that there seems to be an internal clock and click, at six, pour drink. I fully support imbibing it is just the every day ritual I dislike. Actually last week I made it a point not to partake and felt pretty good all week. It wasn’t the discomfort of not having a drink, but that niggle again, you know the persistent annoyance of changing a habit. And it renders me less creative because then my mind goes into holiday mode – R&R.
So in the spirit of ‘Replace’ I shall replace that with beer….NO NO…just kidding..a nice cuppa tea like Mom used to make with cream and sugar. Perhaps I will pick up some 18% cream for that once a day treat. Now that I can look forward to.
The other issue is so secret I hate to say it but…my grandson thinks I quit smoking a long time ago and the only safe time for me to have one is late at night when he is in bed. SHHH! First of all I hate sneaking around. What am I? The child here? Secondly I hate lying to him. Deceiving him. So soon as this is posted on goes The Patch. The shame is not in the smoking, I support those who wish to smoke, the shame for me is in the deceit. I considered being truthful with him and telling him to get used to it, he’s not the boss of me.. but I think I just don’t care to pursue this particular avenue of self destruction right now. Not worth my time or money and it actually is interfering in my creativity since I have to pop outside to do the deed.
This advice did not come from within, beyond or anywhere except my email. Once I woke, wrote down the key words I needed, I checked my stats and emails for all your posts. Being Gemini this is part of what it said – (and no before you even think to ask I do not plan or live my life according to said scope, but it is amusing) – You need some peace and quiet. Don’t even pick up a newspaper – try to not even think! Just tune out and take care of yourself.
Nuts I just get this thinking thing down and now…..well too late for today. I’ll have to try and not think tomorrow! Have a wonderful day all!