Tag Archives: 60 Minutes

Imagine If You Will

Imagine If You Will

Imagine if you will….you are fifty-nine years old and someone offers you a dream job that will last thirty-three years making your retirement age ninety-two.  AND at that age you will not consider it retirement, but just the opportunity to go on to something else.

Imagine if you will….your job is to talk..and talk…about anything that has caught your interest or your ire and all you have to do is sound off.

Imagine if you will…you can talk about the mundane, politics, religion, issues and non-issues and actually get paid for it.

Imagine if you will…you will make ‘curmudgeon’ something adorable and you never have to change who you are.  Ever.

Just imagine.  

That is a hint to the life of Andy Rooney whose last broadcast was Sunday past.  I never regularly watched Sixty Minutes largely due to scheduling and the fact that I question the integrity of every ‘investigative’ show (part of my untrusting nature I guess), but when I did watch it, it was for one reason only, that being Mr. Rooney himself.  It didn’t matter what the subject of the evening, what mattered was the unique twist about to be presented, whether it be how mixed are mixed nuts, or issues of a more sensitive nature.

His actual point of view did not matter, but what did matter is that someone actually displayed freedom of speech publicly  true freedom of speech because for a long time time now I have suspected that right is simply an illusion and now with Mr. Rooney gone from his podium I am afraid we will never see it again in a public forum.  Ever.

Thank you Andy Rooney.  May your next adventure be as fabulous!

Imagine if you will….
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Rooney

*Warning – Reading May be Hazardous to Your Health

*Warning – Reading may be Hazardous to Your Health

The results of an extensive study in The Effects of Reading on the Human Psyche and Physical Manifestations was released for the first time today on WordPress.com.  The study completed by the highly respected Ms. King has drawn some criticism from authors, teachers, preachers and Oprah.

Ms. King defends her paper, stating to this reporter that her findings are conclusive and irrefutable.  The results completed in a thirty second review during her morning coffee have shaken the academic world. W5, 60 Minutes,  and CNN are poised to take on the villain as they have confirmed the results through their own thirty second review and are horrified and ashamed that they have missed this long established travesty.

“My intensive investigation deals with only one media and not the literary world at large.”

*Reading is bad for your health when done on a regular basis and may lead to; hypertension, hypotension, not to mention distention, contention, depression, aggravation, generalization, hallucination, exacerbation, over stimulation, disinclination, palpitation, elevation, euphoria, dysphoria, anorexia and diarrhea, homicide, suicide, the upside of downside.

“The media itself is not the culprit but rather the content which produces the aforementioned afflictions.”

We can only provide a small sampling as any more will simply sicken the readers of this article.

Headline Horrors

1) eHealth Ontario doles out merit pay.  This controversial agency has had a reputation for hiring incompetence, then firing incompetence rewarding them with huge pay outs.  The province of Ontario has frozen wages for two years for the poor working souls but continues to reward “special people”.  Ontario’s deficit is $16.7 Billion dollars. 

2) Schwarzenegger Shriver Swindle.  Why are we giving these idiots any press at all?  He’s sorry – that he got caught.  She’s an idiot for tolerating it.
Edwards, Clinton, Sandford, Spitzer.  

3) Strauss-Khan fall from grace? I don’t even want to hear it. Worst case scenario he’ll sell a book and get off the hook.

4) Genetic Discrimination by insurers.  So you work hard to get a career as a chiropractor.  You need insurance because that is another rip off and the application form asks if there is any Huntington’s Disease in the family.  You don’t have it but daddy does.  Oops let’s not insure this enterprising young woman.  Seems you can only get insurance if you won’t ever need it.

5) A young girl ran as a candidate in a recent federal election.  She was a bar manager..not ballet..booze.  She never campaigns, goes off to Vegas for a vacation returns and now has a plush well paying government job.  Her riding is largely French, but she speaks no French.  She has no political experience I know. She’s in like Flint and no one knows how or why.

6) A Canadian nurse goes on line with a false identity, encourages 2 young people to commit suicide, ends up with a slap on the wrist, except for once a year on the anniversary of their death he must spend one night in jail.  Lets hope they preserve his rights so he will not be separated from his computer.

7) Running over people in Canada only costs five hundred dollars.  Yup. You pay the fine for failing to yield under The Highway Traffic Act.  You don’t go to jail and you don’t even lose your license.

So now I am off to read blogs, where humor, wit, insight, is genuine and the only antidote to reading newspapers.  

If you are a regular newspaper reader please tell me how you maintain your sanity?