Sitting in Emerg on a Fine Sunday..

Sitting in Emerg on a Fine Sunday Afternoon

Here I am in a crowded emergency department giving thanks yet again to the Ministry of Health and Long Term Care.  It is just past noon and I have brought my sister in.  We have this excellent system- in theory – where someone comes in the door, prints off a computerized form which has a number on it and then is seen by a triage nurse for assessment.  Smooth huh?

So we get here at noon. On entry sisthepatient gets the form, fills it out and sits.  She has number thirty-one.  There is no triage nurse present.  Perhaps they are on lunch. Looking around I see two other patients also clutching the registration form.  Seems the system has a glitch..already.  We also notice that one gent says this is a follow up visit to yesterday.  So this is looking more like a regular doctor’s office..certainly not an emergency.  Kay that explains the slow pace of everything.  No emergency in site.  Anywhere.  I wonder where real emergencies go?  Actually sisthepatient has the potential for a real emergency.

About two and half hours ago we sat down at our fav Williams with a latte. I was looking at a head line about Charlie Sheen and was relating info to sisthepatient when she said, “Now that’s not right.”

I thought she meant with Charlie.  But she meant with herself. Seems she was experiencing sudden vision problems.  Now being a nurse I told her I had to take her immediately to emerge.  Now being my sister she insisted on going home and calling her doctor.  He told her to go emergency immediately as it could indicate detached retina with possible profound sight loss.  Profound equals blind in this case.

So here we are at the non emergency emergency department.  It took thirty-five minutes to be seen by the triage nurse.  Then registration.  Ah at last recognition!  We were escorted immediately to a smaller waiting area close to the eye examination room and told it would just be a few minutes as there was a patient in there. That was almost ninety minutes ago and while typing these words sisthepatient has been called in. Is it too early to cheer?

I can’t remember the last time I saw a nurse in any ER break a sweat or even appear to have that air of efficiency.  Everything and everybody is just way too relaxed.  The concerning part is that had this been a true emergency there would have been no one to do anything about it.

While we sat attentionless I did suggest that my sis should teach them a lesson and go blind in that eye while she sat here.  She was less than enthusiastic about that. But I am pretty sure it might have gotten us prompt attention.  

Actually in all fairness today is galloping along quickly.  A few weeks ago one chap I know who had a broken foot was here for twelve hours before a doctor saw him.  My friend is ninety-two and in that twelve hours he received no nutrition or fluids.  And he actually came in by ambulance which should have gotten him preferential treatment.

Customer Service…my eye…

The Man on a Plane

The Man on the Plane

It is midnight and here I am sitting at Toronto’s Pearson Airport.  There are probably two or three dozen people standing around waiting for arrivals, so so far the waiting area is not overly crowded.  But the information board which just a few moments ago showed about a dozen flights is now filled with ten times that number.

It’s a very cold clear night here and for the first time ever, at least that I have seen, there are five wee sparrows hopping around on the floor in front of me.  The travelers finally getting through immigration and collecting their baggage look tired as they pull their luggage behind them.  As I write this most all have suntans and a few brave souls not wanting to leave their vacations behind are wearing shorts – for crying out loud!  Oh yeah I remember doing the exact same thing the last few times.  Perhaps it is a subtle form of bragging…see me in my summer clothes …I’ve been somewhere warm and toasty..and you haven’t!

As you can tell from the heading this is all about a man on a plane.  The importance of which has to do with how a man thinks.  I know, I know.  There have been unlimited observations made on this very subject. But oh boy.

Three weeks ago my friend left for Belize.  A working vacation.  During that time we exchanged emails and at one point he asked if I would pick him up at the airport.  Always up for a little adventure I said YES! Throughout the course of our communication I did try to get flight information out of him.  Honestly I did.

Initially he thought it was enough to tell me he would get in at eleven fifty five pm.  Then he was able to tell me that it was a Delta flight.  I never did get the actual flight number from him.

I did some Internet checking  and there was a flight coming from Belize with a lay over in the US.  Getting to the airport I discovered there were two Delta flights coming from Atlanta, both late.  Now when I checked the Internet I do not remember Atlanta being the lay over site, however I am operating on faith.

Periodically someone wanders over to chat or ask a question.  I guess I must look like I know what I am doing. Unfortunately some say I may be at the wrong gate or terminal (there are three). Looking around I see an information booth but no one sitting there.  One chap gives me his life history, which I must say is interesting, and then tells me that international flights also come into terminal one – I am in terminal three.

As I saunter around the waiting area….looking like I know what I am doing, I  see a fellow sitting at the information booth sort of crouched in the corner so he is not visible easily.  I take a deep breath and try to convey casually the information I have about my friend’s flight.  Thank goodness he is a he and understands the limited information I have and assures me I am in the right place and sort of the right time as the flight has been delayed an hour.  

I spend some time trying to figure out what delays a flight since there are now about a dozen flights on the board listed as en retard…remember we are a bilingual country and even though Ontario is largely English speaking, French always seems to come first.  I become a little concerned that all the delayed flights are from a central area of the US.  I later find out that this particular plane was not filled to capacity so they had the passengers disembark and crowd into a smaller plane.

My friend shows up at one-thirty am.  I am surprised that I managed the late hour well although I must say everyone else there looked like they were out in the middle of the night!  Mission accomplished and the information he gave me in his own vague way turned out to be completely accurate.

Manifesting …Chapter Two…

Well back to the Manifesting Journey.

I had reasoned..and we pause here to reflect my capabilities to reason..okay done with that, I had reasoned that dividing the book into chapters, of which there are fourteen, that I could read and comment on one chapter a day.

Well that was a little presumptuous on my part. The content requires a little more diligence than that. Speed reading of sorts I can do but application of principles hmmm seems perhaps a little more time consuming.

The very first page of the second chapter asked that I write down what an absolutely perfect day in my perfect life would look like, from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until the end of the day.WITH as much detail as possible.  It seemed like a fun exercise and I settled down to do it and do it well. I made a few false starts until I found the perfect scenario.  It was realistic therefore conceivable so nose to the grindstone, or more accurately the key board I set forth.

it was fun and it took a day before I finished.  I won’t tell you my perfect day, you have to figure that one out for yourself as for each of us it is an individual quest. But it became my closet…you know the one you do as the very first task in a spring cleaning venue?  Then instead of being able to move on you just keep going back to look at the completed task just to reward yourself for an excellent job,

Well for the next few days I just kept going back to that closet you know ..the piece.  The more I read it the better I felt.  The possibility of actually achieving it rose proportionality with each reading. 

In my perfect day I first awaken at six thirty am and well the next morning I awake exactly at that time. okay Houston we have lift off!

I checked on some of my favorite bloggers and my number one, “on the fringe” has such interesting information wittily done,and genuine blogs. As I perused her excellent site I read some of her previous contributions and found one in particular that caught my interest. Her source of inspiration was a book written by Stephen king about writing.  That was momentous so of course I next had to find the book for myself which I did through my IPad store,  I read it in a day and it was everything she had said it was. and easily as inspiring was the blog she did on it.  That gave hope.

I messaged her on her story absolutely touched by her message and sent her a note telling her.  She gracefully then subscribed to my site. Wow!

So now I see I shall take the journey with Manifesting at a more reasonable pace.  Jaffree and Margot certainly give one lots to think about and by George I will honor it page by page.

So the next thing to tackle is to make a list of past accomplishments. In detail again.  Their directions were to take an hour to accomplish this but  I already know this girl will take much longer…only because I have several decades to cover LOL

So the vision is not dead…I just figure it deserves the respect of proper application, which means a gentler pace.

It’s a Funny Thing about Perception..

One of those nights….One of those memories..

It’s a funny thing about perception….

I’m having one of those nights where the thoughts about a couple of worries ..that were not worries when I first tucked myself in….keep winding in, out and around my mind, picking up speed until it feels like a whole washer full of clothes agitating and knocking against the  delicate balance of my grey matter.

You probably know what I mean – you settle down all snugly looking forward to a well earned rest, and then from some very small dark mystic corner of your mind creeps one tiny inconsequential thought.  One of those..in the morning I must remember to … Well before you know it there is a whole chorus of..I must, I should.. I wish, I…I…I 

Then in the midst comes something unrelated; something unforgettable that somehow you had forgotten about.  Until now.

It has to do with how we impact other people.  The impressions we leave.  The impressions we can never change no matter how much we wish we could.

My folks died many years ago.  In the early nineteen eighties.  They worked hard every day of their lives.  They had both been in the second world war.  As a matter of fact that is how they met.  They married, raised five children and about the time they should have been looking at retirement in the next half decade, they both came down with cancer.  Not at the same time but within two years of each other.  But that is not what this story is about really.

I was..well still am a registered nurse…and at that time I lived in Brantford Ontario about an hour away from my family.  Dad had passed away two years previously when we received news that Mom had to have surgery.  It was the early summer of nineteen eighty-three.  The surgeon told us post-op that she had six weeks to live.

I decided to spend my time off at the hospital at night looking after my Mom.  When I got to the hospital I told the nurses on the unit that I would do her care; turning her, bathing her so they did not have to include her in their rounds.

I tried.  It was heart breaking and I realized I could not treat her like one of my patients.  So I went to the desk and asked them to do her intimate care.

I left her room to stretch my legs and search out a coffee machine.  When I returned Mom was freshly washed and turned.  I was startled to see she was completely awake and alert.  The morphine she was receiving in her intravenous had kept her pretty dozy.  But she was more than alert. She was terrified.  Her eyes were huge and her skin had the pasty pallor that only terror can impart.  

I started to walk towards her to find out what was wrong when she commanded me to stay away and not come any closer.  She said she had to see my brother right away.  By this time it was almost two in the morning and my brother was working the night shift.  I did call him and as soon as he arrived she told him to make me leave which I did.

After about ten days my Mom insisted on going home.  We set up home care and each of us took turns staying at the house with her.  She was still getting ever increasing doses of morphine and seemed in a haze most of the time.  When it was my turn to be there one day, she asked me to help her sit up on the side of the bed which I did, delicately balancing her in an upright position.

Suddenly this tiny fragile jaundiced lady looked at me and the confusion left.  With clear eyes and even clearer steady voice she said, “Chris, what was that course you took at work a few weeks ago?”

Wow, I was not aware Mom even knew I had been away for a course.  So I told her that it was one of my management courses with the Ministry of Health to help me be a better boss.  She looked at the floor for a moment before she gazed directly into my eyes.

“I thought,” she said so softly, “that it was a course on how to kill someone, and that night in the hospital I thought you had come to kill me so I would not suffer.” 

It felt like it was long time until I spoke or even breathed, and I can tell you I was afraid to speak, but I had to know why she would ever have thought such a thing.

She was able to relate very clearly about that night in the hospital when the two nurses came in to wash her and change her position.  She told me that as they turned her one nurse asked the other, “Why can’t she do it?” And the other nurse replied, “Because it is her mother.” And my mom, through her drug induced perception thought they were asking why I could not kill her.

It’s a funny thing about perception.  

I am just glad that when she died a few days later she did so knowing the truth.

A Perfect Day Redefined

A Perfect Day Redefined

There are so many days that end with me thinking, “now that was a perfect day!”

This one most surely tops them all.  I woke up later than I intended and got a message that my daughter in law was ill.  My son was not home and the oldest grandson who is seven was in school.  I called my DIL to let her know I would come and pick up my youngest grandson who turns three next week to give her some rest time.

They live an hour away so it took some patience on my part to diligently fill the car with gas and to check the windshield washer fluid.  Good thing I did as the weather was clear winter fine but every vehicle in front of me made sure my blue..well now white car ..had a good solid layer of road salt and gunk sprayed relentlessly from their rear wheels.  I did catch on that if I drive far enough behind them I miss the auto shower, or that if I daringly speed ahead of them then they are blessed in turn.  However that does not work when they gang up on you and throw in a big monster long hauler who has super sharing abilities.  

I must admit that sometimes I do listen to wiser folk, one of whom is most often My sister Jane.  Her theory is that if some fool – and that is just my particular fond label, not hers – in front, decides to travel at speed limit or less, it is meant to be as there is probably a very responsible hard working constable near by just waiting to nail your …uh lead foot.

This day I chose to listen to her advice.  No gunning of the engine or risky passes to prove my membership in the Richard Petty Club, or even the mutterings casting doubt on the offenders intellect or parentage.  And a mighty good decision it was.  Within the first ten minutes I encountered the familiar flashing lights with three cars stopped only kilometers apart. The boys in blue must have been having an otherwise slow day, no doubt having solved every outstanding heinous crime.  Lesson grasped and learned- I proceeded calmly.

Now to see the little face, belongings packed and excited the moment  he saw me was the reward.  Alas my intentions while seeming to be the comfort of my DIL were in fact of a more selfish nature.  It was grandma time!   My grandsons adore me partly because I always tell them they have the coolest grandma in the world.

So the best day began.  First I had to be sure there was an extra set of clothes – learned that one after our last trip which involved us wearing most of his chocolate milk.  Then a checklist confirmation for a bathing suit and his epipen (for the peanut allergy).  And his fav yellow blanket in case of a needed nap or snuggle. Hugs and kisses from Mommy and we were all set.

The chatter over the next hour was amusing, confusing and a blast as much of what he has to say..and there is plenty at this age..just not all of discernible.  Now he knew the itinerary: meet my sister in law and her soon to be four year old grandson at MacDonald’s at a play center.  Play for a bit then off to my place where I have a large indoor pool. 

G2 was a little shy at first but that did not last long.  Then it was all about running, jumping, climbing, falling and it went on for a couple of hours.  I could see he was tiring so I considered just taking him home and skipping the rest.  But he knew his schedule and when that little voice says…not this way, not my house, Gamma’s house I redirected my point of intent.

He loves my home, the underground parking, the elevator, the buttons on the elevator, my budgies, my bed..well everything.  We chased and laughed getting his trunks on – well he laughed and I chased.

The pool is large and warm and he is not shy about getting in the water.  Matter of fact he quickly remembered the last time he and his brother were there when his brother taught him to jump in from the side.  Jump into my waiting arms that is. So the game was on and I have no idea exactly how many hurling banshee roaring flying objects I caught but it was sufficient to finally tire him.  Then it was immediately in the bath and shower..simultaneously.  He retrieved a small and only slightly outdated yogurt from the fridge then it was dressing – some chasing amid gales of laughter involved and off home.

It took him less than five minutes to fall asleep.  Once home it was more cuddle time with a sleepy boy then some quality time with G1 with whom I made a date for us to go out the following week.

Now that is living.

Attempting Chapter One..wild horses..gremlins et al

The first Chapter. The Manifesting Manual by Jafree Ozwald and Margot Zaher…….Will it work??

I found this first chapter a little overwhelming.  It seemed pretty simple at first by asking me to determine exactly what I would want to manifest.  Not too hard to figure out.  It also says in the intro that to increase manifesting abilities you must do Chapter Nine every day for ninety days.   Will check that out when I get there.

It got into comparing the mind with wild horses and I was uncomfortable with this for some reason.  Then it got into Negative Gremlins which hold all our negative thoughts and steps in how to eliminate this.

Somehow there was a fair bit of discomfort, and I was not sure if this just does not make sense to me or if in fact the negative thoughts are that difficult to deal with.  I did the three exercises or meditations.  One was for fifteen to twenty minutes, then another for thirty minutes and then a third.  I decided to combine them into one session and set my timer.  I did not make the whole time so will try again later today.

So it seems to me that this first part was about determining exactly what I want to achieve and shifting my energy from a negative to a positive.  It’s about letting go of doubt, fear, skepticism, isolation and separation.  All of existence is energy never ending.  It’s about curiosity.  It’s about Joy.

So far I am buying into this.  I have known for a long time now that circumstances may not change but a good day vs a bad day seems to be in the attitude.  I have also found that a positive attitude definitely attracts good things.  I just want to live it more consistently – to be better at it.

Something new to learn..

Following the Manual

Jafree Ozwald and Margot Faher wrote a book called The Manifest Manual.  I bought the book on line since I could use a little serious manifesting and I had been receiving some tidbits by email over the last few months.

The book has fourteen chapters and I have perused the book and am now ready to read it.  I love to read but not wanting to waste my time, I read through each book quickly.  If it gets my interest then I read through again.

The book promises a lot…if you follow it exactly.  Well tomorrow I start and will post what I get from each chapter each day.  Let’s see what lies ahead!

Secret..Manifesting…and me…

Secrets and Manifesting and ….

About fourteen months ago, just before Christmas I was feeling a little lost, or down, or blah or whatever the choice word descriptions are these days.  My job of the previous few years had been challenging, but one I enjoyed until a bright – or maybe not so bright new manager convinced our company owner that he would drive us to inspiration in Recruitment by convincing her to slash all our salaries by thirty percent.  Now that had a not so surprising reaction from all affected who decided instead that we would do thirty percent less work.  Well almost all of us as one little bunny took it to heart and worked relentlessly to succeed.

Anyway having lived to the extent of my income this hit me where it hurts..namely the wallet.  And that definitely is NOT fun.  I was checking out some sales for Christmas presents, and being one woman who seems to have been born without a true shopping gene I usually drifted to a book store and latte.

The signs of my malaise were…well malaise, hopelessness about the future in general and a general internal pout that I hoped was not evident to others. For the first time in years I was also experiencing huge flare ups, or exacerbations of my old companion Fibromyalgia. So pain had settled in for a long stay.Oh and to meet my lifestyle I began to live more on credit cards and line of credit.  Perhaps a little more recklessly than necessary, but certainly in keeping with my personality.

One day in a bookstore of course I came upon The 
Secret by Byrne.  Having heard some hype and general discussion on the subject I decided to purchase mostly out of curiosity. 

So I settled down one Saturday morning curled up on the sofa to read. What can I say.  I was immediately glued to every word, every page. I read through all of that day and far into the night – not unusual for me when something catches my attention.  When exhaustion forced surrender to the land of nod I closed my eyes for a few short hours. 
The moment my eyes opened in the morning I was immersed immediately back in the book.

After thirty six hour of this I came out a different person,  My attitude changed and I greeted each day with confident, joy and anticipation.  Outlook changed, days were brighter,  I was filled with passion.  Wow and my life changed!

That was the start and it has been a journey of awareness. And that is what this series of blogs will be about.Cause there is a whole lot more to follow.

Some Days….

Some Days…

Some days you start the day with love and warmth in your heart and every nerve ending and gives thanks for all you have.  Then you get to spend the day with a dear person who needs your help and alleviate somebody’s stress a little bringing a cafe latte, a helping hand and a smile.  I guess if we are lucky every day is like that.

This has been one of those “best days”.  I guess if you feel loved it is easier to give it out.  Or is it the other way around?  We are all loved, we just have to figure out the source and that is very personal for each.

Love the date…..

Loving the date…

I love writing the date.  There is something about writing and saying two thousand and eleven.  It is a lucky year for me and I am filled with anticipation.  

I do have to kick it up a notch though in setting up a routine. This nice non-stressed feeling that has persisted since the afternoon of January third could end up a slippery slope into lethargy. We do not need soul breaking stress in our lives but we do need some level of positive stress, some challenge, something that makes us anticipate, to work toward some Goal.  At the end of the day there has to be some sense of accomplishment.

I have noted over the years that some retirees work toward That Day.  Then with no sustaining interests or motivations they decline, age quickly and slip nicely into a pocket of society we see everyday. The light, the sparkle in their eyes dies out long before they depart this earth.  One of the most rewarding parts of my career was bringing cheer, comfort and a smile or laugh and seeing that sparkle, even for a moment. That is what I want to continue to do.  It is the part of me, the nurse that made it all worthwhile.  And somehow I will.

There are no facts, only interpretations. – Friedrich Nietzsche. The truth I think that validates everything you have to say.

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