I have been thinking about contentment and wondering where the spice of life jumped off my mind rack.
It’s funny that it would be on my mind and that thinking about it would be such a challenge and it is. The very thought today is niggling and wriggling and just out of grasp of making sense. And then the clouds of confusion parted as I read my blogs of wisdom and mirth and more wisdom.
BOOM! Right in front of my eyes Susan at susanthecoach.wordpress.com writes:
“So often I hear people talking about being content as if that’s a good thing.”
Whaaat? It may not be a good thing? In fifteen words she once again rocked my world. You see at this juncture in my life I thought the goal was contentment. Immediately I scolded myself for stupidity, for short sightedness, for allowing a fall into the abyss of paths lost.
I know better than that but somehow I lost sight of the fact that contentment like happiness cannot ever be the goal. It is the product of our work of our actions. It is a reward. We must do we must not just be.
Well Susan, that changes everything in my life. Everything. So now I am off to do, to achieve, to live, to accomplish.
And may all of you do wonderful things today also!
It’s 9:56 am and feels way too early which may sound strange since I have been waking at 6ish each morning and dashing off to the track full of vim and vigor, a brain brighter than the newest star or the last burst of a dying one.
Like a newborn babe struggling to get the feel, the flow of life, my days and nights are off. Night before last my mind would not rest until I blogged so it was post midnight by the time I finished which still would have been okay but in opening the doors to the barn to let a few horses out I accidentally welcomed a fresh herd of ideas that kept me up til early light. I slept until nine and actually woke refreshed and had a very comfortable feeling day.
Now my expectation was that I would self correct last night and would have had vile, delicious temptation not reared it’s ugly head.
My name is Chris King and I have an addiction. Reading, reading reading.
I have become strong enough that I can actually put down a good book for bit and have learned that bedtime routine reading should be interesting but not gripping, unless it is something I can complete in a short time. Short stories work well for this. Currently my pre sleep angel is Stephen Hawking. Read a bit, snuggle down and dream of space, time, universes and the fact that most of this science is supposition, but oh so intriguing in a Disney Fantasy Land sort of way.
But my daytime fare, Clive Cussler/Justin Scott came to mind briefly as I was about to roll over the ledge of consciousness to restful, restorative slumbers, and I congratulated myself on my strength in resisting an all nighter with ‘The Spy’.
I tell you I felt like a Stepford Wife (the movie version with Nicole Kidman,which I love). Somewhere in an alternate universe Christopher Walken was throwing a switch triggering my electrical system into action independent of my sanity. I found myself, entirely against my will I assure you, pulling back from the precipice of comfortable slumber and getting up, walking to another room to get my fix.
Oh and the Title of this? Well I slept in till 8:30 forgetting I was taking my sister to the Eye Doc so did not get any time for brekkie. Right next door to the office is a Wendy’s. Unlike every other fast food who provides breakfast fare, this establishment does not. Oh and they have no mayo for the sandwich…it was still good in a lunchy sort of way.
So here I sit with a spicy chicken burger and coffee while sis gets her eyes checked and really all I want to do is get back to my book. Maybe for lunch I will have breakfast.
Forecast: Tired today so all systems should self correct tonight due to a 90% chance of exhaustion?
The search has been on this last while for information, inspiration to give definition to my existence. We are all defined in some way by some measure, a definition we create and live with, but my search has not been so much to seek definition as much as refine that definition. Perhaps redo that definition, and yes I believe it can be done. However I have discovered it is a little more difficult that initially thought.
It is not that I do not like who I am, I like me very much, but I want to be more, the best that I can be. Be the best you can be, a phrase we are all familiar with. When I first became comfortable in my own skin a few years ago realizing I like me I thought, mission accomplished! One never knows how long we get to live in this life especially for those of us in the last third of our life as Shirley McLaine calls this aged, aging period in her book, ‘I’m Over All That.” And the thought occurred that regardless how much time I have on the third planet from the sun I want to make the best of it.
Yes I want to stay funny, silly, curious, compassionate, gentle, charismatic, but I want to be so much more. It wasn’t enough to determine what changes I wanted to make or add, or at least it didn’t turn out to be that easy, because then followed the grueling work of first assessing where I was in right now. In painting a picture of how I wanted to see myself I had to face up to some truths that I am much better at ignoring. Now don’t get me wrong, denial is more than a river in Egypt. It is a very successful tool in surviving life at times, but can so easily become a habit to slide into like a knife in a sheath, firmly wrapped and held. Such a comfortable place to be.
My sister has teased me for years about living in Chrissyville, which is such a lovely optimistic positive place, and we giggle about this wonderful land of joy. Chrissyville needs a do over or at least a more solid base.
I can now see the person I want to be and it is thrilling but UGH it means changing some habits and habits are difficult to change by their very nature.
I am defining this growth as Becoming Pure of Heart which may not be an entirely accurate depiction though it is somewhere to start.
This is not about changing or becoming something ‘other’, it is a journey to ‘better’. I guess when I retired I thought I was done with growing in a way. You know, settled, as mature as it gets, and then oops there comes a feeling that we never stop growing, that there is more to do, more to be.
But where do you start? It seems easy enough to make a list of bad habits to break as a beginning. Do I tackle the list one by one, which will require some sorely needed patience (another growth factor)?
To choose not to evolve within the chrysalis we call life is counter productive to the universe as a whole. Everything evolves one way or another or dies.
What works for you? All advice or comments are certainly welcome as I have found a wealth of knowledge and wisdom exists in our blogging world.
Waking up and before stirring towards a busy day I decided to start inspired. In days gone by when folk settled for the night with a routine of setting out things for the next day which may or may not include teeth in a glass, my nightly routine is to plug in the iPad and the iPhone so I am ready to roll first thing.
This morning I grabbed the pad and googled – ‘successful people’. Among the selection was Will Smith, so snuggling down, ear phones in I listened and watched this very successful person. I say person not actor as his success is in life not just in his craft.
Will Smith says:
I love living…it’s infectious.. and you can’t fake that.
I have a great time with my life and I want to share that.
We did not grow up believing that where we were was where we were going to be. We grew up believing that where we were almost didn’t matter. What mattered is that we were becoming something greater.
Your talent will fail you if you do not work hard. You are not going to outwork me. If you stay ready you don’t have to get ready.
I don’t want to be an icon, I want to be an idea. I want to represent possibility.
I want the world to be better because I was here.
Plan A is you must believe.
Being realistic is the most common road to mediocrity. Thinking of a light bulb was not realistic. Bending metal and flying people was not realistic.
What you think is real, thoughts are real. Thoughts, dreams, feelings are real.
There is redemptive power in making that choice. I decide what is, who is.
Success takes obsessive focus. Be completely motivated. The person who works the hardest wins. Learn how not to quit.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you you cannot do something.
I believe as Chris Hughs does in spiritual genetics which I got from my mother and grandmother.
I believe in happy endings. You have got to believe you can be happily married for fifty years to be happily married for fifty years.
People ask me about racism in Hollywood. Why would I acknowledge racism? When you acknowledge something you give it power.
Fame may exist for some but greatness exists in all of us.
I believe in running and reading. Running teaches you not to quit. And reading…there is no problem you have that someone else has not had and conquered and written about.
This is similar to: objects in the mirror are closer than they appear, but I am glad I do not have to wear a sticky on my rear view mirror or any other part of my anatomy announcing the fact.
There is a fav quote of mine, I have no idea who said it originally but it goes something like this:
It is better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. I like it. I do not always, or almost never adhere to it, but somehow I can pull it off, mouth and all.
I understand from my father that when I was born the world was taken aback by my extremely intelligent dark brown eyes. It is my humble belief that was just a reaction from a proud papa gazing upon his first born – me. He would tell me that story again and again, and so I believed.
So how does one give the illusion of Intelligence?
1). Look, Listen, and Learn. From everyone.
2). I am a natural empath and connect with people easily. I feel and understand the emotion behind their words and body language and they feel me feeling them. Minds out of the gutter here..but it works as well in those situations too.
3). Look into their eyes when they speak – with interest, even if you have absolutely no interest in the subject at hand. It’s surprising what you might learn and hey you just won a fan.
4). Listen for keywords and ask questions. Hey by now they are ready to write you into the will.
5). When you listen, when you appear to care all kinds of amazing things happen. You do learn, you find yourself even caring, truly and what is better than anything else:)
6) When you do have something to say everyone listens to you! And usually you have a lot of worthwhile things to say because you have learned so much!
For you naturally bright bunnies out there, this information will provide nothing new, however, I do wish to thank you for teaching me!
The Woman on the Train and What is Wrong with Enlightenment
Last year I travelled to Toronto by train every day for three days. The first morning I chatted with a woman, not the one in the title, but a very nice gal who was a teacher doing some work for the Ministry of Education. She was fascinating and we clicked. Going home that evening I saw her again at the train station and we picked up our conversation from the morning. This went on each of the three days.
When I got to the station at the end of the third day I did not see my friend right away so chatted with a pleasant woman while we waited for the boarding call. The woman said she had been to a hospital in the city for an appointment. I didn’t pry into her health issues and she talked a bit about her life. There was something very strange about her, an aura, a radiating peace. She appeared to be smiling even when she wasn’t, speaking softly but with great power and at the same time seeming amazingly humble. I was in awe just looking at her and could not understand why. I felt for some reason I was in the presence of greatness but could not give it definition.
I spotted my friend further down the queue and knew she would be looking for me so I excused myself even though I did not want to move. Shaking my head in puzzlement I went to join my friend.
On the train this strange woman was sitting by herself in one of those sets of seats where four face each other. I asked if we could join her. We three chatted about nothing in particular. Then this strange woman looked at me -into me-and told me her story quietly. And all else ceased to exist.
She said her appointment had been to assess her status. She said that her mother and two sisters had died of cardiomyopathy (a deadly heart condition). It was genetic. I whispered to her, “And you have it too?”
She nodded. The only cure was a heart transplant but it could not be done until a certain point had been reached in her condition. I knew from experience that often when patients reached that point their condition often worsened and they died before a heart came available. And still she radiated joy and incredible peace.
My friend and I got off the train before that woman’s stop. As we walked away, my friend asked if this condition was serious. I told her that the woman is walking with death.
I think of her often and feel I was blessed to have been in her company.
Enlightenment – and finding it has been on my mind for a long time. I have read some things that made sense but I also read a book on enlightenment that just didn’t feel right. It calls for us to wake up in the the morning and start jumping and yelling YES! YES! It says that to be financially rich have friends gather around and shower us with money, literally. It said a few things that perplexed me. It might come to your mind that I am frequently perplexed.
But then the thought came to me recently………the woman on the train was true enlightenment. She was one with God, the universe or whatever our centre is. No yelling. No jumping. Just incredible peace and joy and love and gentleness and humility.
I don’t know if I will ever see that kind of thing again. I just know that for a short time I was closer to purity than I have ever been. And I am humbled.
Usually when I feel a cold coming on I take ColdFx and it never comes to fruition. I did not do that this week.
Now I have a cold. Probably the first in several years. So I hiked off to the store, stocked up on soup, the aformentioned med, and red licorice. As a nurse I know red licorice heals all. Well, I figured it would help my scratchy throat. Its too bad everything is tasteless today. But I have persisted. After all the saying is feed a cold, starve a fever. I hope I did not get that backwards? Cause I have been feeding.
When I was in shopping I came across Clive just begging to come home with me. How could I resist? I had already decided to spend the day resting and while he never fails to raise my interest I find him also comforting.
Truth be told it is not Clive himself who draws my interest but Juan. Juan Cabillaro. So I have spent the afternoon and early evening with these two charming men.
Thank you Clive Cussler and your hero in The Silent Sea for making my day better.
PS Now you really did not believe for even a minute that it could be anything except a really good book?
Not enough to disturb it. I just hate the way it is.. well so dusty. I try to live and let live and with so many clean freaks out there I figure it needs to have a safe haven somewhere.
Please do not for one minute think I am freako here its just that today everything is about bacteria and anti bacteria. We have cleaned and sanitized ourselves silly and right into risky health. We, whoever we are, have no immunity and the bugs are winning.
Antibiotics were a good thing way back when but have been so overused the bugs got smart and mutated. Now we have super bugs, MRSA, VRE, and so on. There is always a new one coming along.
Okay all that is a little over dramatic on the dust thing. Another procrastinating excuse. Any way I do get dusting now and then and it sure feels good to see every thing gleaming and shining.
By the way, on yesterdays post – I never got the door washed but I got a comment from Baxter Bunny that it is good Feng Shui to keep your doors especially the front door. That one I can embrace! The only Feng Shui I ever remember is to keep your toilet seat lid down to stop the flow of money down the drain. So naturally I do that one. I call it my financial planning strategy.
And thank you to all who answered my question seeking more Procrastination excuses..I mean reasons. Of course most had an answer but would have to get back to me sometime when they got around to it..like true procrastinators!
Well technically not yet. But I am working up to it.
You see when I have a task I must do I will find anything else to do.
Canadian taxes are due April 30th and this was the day to search through papers to make sure I have it all together. The problem is there are LOTS of papers and every time I get company I do a quick file into any drawer available. So the plan today was…..
Anyway I started the day optimistically. But then I realized I had laundry. So…
After getting that started I thought about my brother and sister in law leaving for sun, sand, and margaritas tomorrow and then I got lost in my memories of previous trips.
Friends came for dinner last night and brought a book they thought I might like. I felt obligated to at least look at it. So….
The book is The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova. I can recommend this book as I have quickly read all 902 pages. NOT my fault I swear! After all this talk this week on WordPress about writers finding time to read I felt it was my duty.
So I am quickly running out of excuses, I mean reasons for not doing taxes. The laundry is almost done, and it isn’t like I actually DO the laundry but I feel I must support my machine while it does it.
I certainly have the time today. But then it occurred to me the walls were looking a little dingy and my common sense told me there was no way I could wash all the walls today so I thought I could start with a door and work my way from there.
Then of course I decided I had not posted today so….
Hmmm what should I do next?
Question: Are you a procrastinator and what do you do to achieve it? Really I want to know as I am running out of ideas!
A coblogger I like to read, Word Lilly did a post today on the re release of a favorite children’s book series. I started to comment and then had to cut it short as I realized that I had enough material for a post.
Once upon a time, perhaps a millennia ago there were a set of stories for children called Uncle Arthur’s Bedtime stories. I suppose my Mom started reading them to me but by the age of four or five I would read them to myself.
Now why I did this, and did it repeatedly I have no idea. I think Uncle Arthur must have been a very nasty man who hated children. A lot. His stories scared the life out of me -for years. There was always a moral but even as a child I questioned the why of it. And those were the stories I repeatedly pulled down to read again and again.
One was about a little boy who had been struck by a car and lay in a hospital bed ward all bandaged up. He was in a lot of pain. Another youngster in a bed near by could see his suffering. So he told our critically ill patient that every night Jesus would walk through the ward and take children away who were ill. All they had to do was hold up their hand.
So our wee lad tried and tried to raise his hand that night but weakness and pain made it impossible. His little friend crawled out of bed and bracing the arm with pillows was able to raise the hand.
Well of course the happy ending was that Jesus did come and take him away from his pain and suffering. But the residual effect was that every time I sleep on my side and raise my arm that picture comes to mind and I snap that hand back down quickly. Then my mind reviews the whole story again. As the song by Joe Diffie goes..”I want to go to heaven but I don’t want to go tonight ” Especially if it was because of an accidental hand placement! Oh yeah, then I have to sign the song. I swear Uncle Arthur has been the source of insomnia now and then.
The second awful story was one about a poor family. A Mom and two children. Food is a problem and Mama provides the best she can, always making sure her off spring eat first. So Mama gets weaker and sicker. A doctor comes and tears a strip off those wee bairns telling them how selfish and horrible they are for eating the food. And he says that if Mama dies it is all their own fault!
Well the outcome of that was the children started making sure she ate, and miracles of miracles she got better. Well good for them! Me? I was locked in the nightmare for weeks, watching everything my mother ate and if she offered me something extra I declined.
No way was I going to kill my Mom! (Which I guess is kind of funny because in my blog about Perception is a Funny Thing at the end of her life she actually did believe just that!)