Category Archives: Humour

Wikipedia – The Plot to Keep Me Unpublished

Wikipedia

Wikipedia – The Plot to Keep Me Unpublished

 Even though research slows down my progress in writing, I love what I learn and being able to give my story credibility.

There is a plot afoot though by Wikipedia methinks.  Having found the information I was seeking I spy with my little eye a link.  An interesting link, and having no willpower, absolutely none, I pursue it.

 Well I cannot say, and will not say, it was a waste of time. It delivered ‘interesting’

The link is below and for anyone wishing to dally away some time it is an entertaining list.  There is a ton of information so I will just list a few that really caught my attention.

The list is – Unusual deaths.  Now death in itself is not funny but how it comes about can be.  Well if not funny, at least strange.  Some of it is legend of course and that is where the interesting comes in.

 Men and Strength

  • 6th century BC: Legend says Greek wrestler Milo of Croton came upon a tree-trunk split with wedges. Testing his strength, he tried to rend it with his bare hands. The wedges fell, trapping his hands in the tree and making him unable to defend himself from attacking wolves, which devoured him.[2]

 Men and War

  • 162 BC: Eleazar Maccabeus was crushed to death at the Battle of Beth-zechariah by a war elephant that he believed to be carrying Seleucid King Antiochus V. Charging into battle, Eleazar rushed underneath the elephant and thrust a spear into its belly, whereupon it fell dead on top of him.[8]
  • 53 BC: The Roman general and consul Marcus Licinius Crassus was reported to have been put to death by the Parthians after losing the battle of Carrhae, by being forced to drink a goblet of molten gold, symbolic of his great wealth.’[9]

Love

  • 882, The Carolingian king, Louis III of France, was riding after a woman with amorous intent; on her flight into a building, he followed, still mounted and struck his head on the lintel of the doorway, killing him.[citation needed]

Laughter

Science

  • 1945: Scientist Harry K. Daghlian, Jr. accidentally dropped a brick of tungsten carbide onto a sphere of plutonium while working on the Manhattan Project. This caused the plutonium to come to criticality; Daghlian died of radiation poisoning, becoming the first person to die in a criticality accident.[73]
  • 1959: In the Dyatlov Pass incident, nine ski hikers in the Ural Mountains abandoned their camp in the middle of the night, some clad only in their underwear despite sub-zero weather. Six died of hypothermia and three by unexplained injuries. The corpses showed no signs of struggle, but one had a fatal skull fracture, two had major chest fractures, and one was missing her tongue. Tests showed that all of the hikers had been exposed to large amounts of radiation. Soviet investigators determined only that “a compelling unknown force” had caused the deaths.[78

Fire Power

  • 1982: David Grundman was killed near Lake Pleasant, Arizona while shooting at cacti with his shotgun. After firing several shots at a 26 ft (8 m) tall Saguaro Cactus from extremely close range, a 4 ft limb of the cactus detached and fell on him, crushing him.[113][114]
  • 1995: A 39-year-old man committed suicide in Canberra, Australia by shooting himself three times with a pump action shotgun. The first shot passed through his chest and went out the other side. He reloaded and shot away his throat and part of his jaw. Breathing through the wound in his throat, he again reloaded, held the gun against his chest with his hands and operated the trigger with his toes. This shot entered the thoracic cavity and demolished the heart, killing him.[143]

Oh so much more!  Thank you Wikipedia for at least making my time entertaining!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_deaths

 

Husky…Best Customer Service!

As you know Customer Service is right up there with fun, family and humor for me.  Sometime ago I posted on what was probably the worst customer service ever in my experience.

Customer Service

Westjet has always been my number one Customer Service standard.  Every word they advertise is absolutely true and you can bet if I had any skills they could use, they would be my employer of choice.  It is true ownership and it shows in the service they deliver.  It is the standard I have come to embrace in Customer Satisfaction.

Today as I was leaving Hamilton to return home after my week as Queen I noticed the volume of gas in the tank was iffy for the hour-long journey.  Now there was one service station between my destination, and me – the dreaded Husky.  The very same station I had posted on some weeks ago as having the worst Customer Service ever.  Sure I could have gone an extra block but if there is one thing I am consistent about in my life it is laziness.  So I gritted my teeth and pulled in.

Imagine my surprise when a man came running, yes running, to my car.  “What can I do for you?  Would you like me to check your oil, or tire pressure, or wash your windows?”  All with a smile and enthusiasm and making me feel like I was his only concern on this sunny day.

I told him I was paying by Visa and should I go inside.  “No Ma’am you stay right there I will look after it for you.”

You have no idea how thrilled I was.  I am always uncomfortable saying anything negative about anyone, exes, bosses, and meanies of any sort.  I have no idea why the change but I do know that at Mohawk and Ottawa in Hamilton Ontario..

HUSKY YOU ROCK!

And I am glad that I went back!

 

My Son My Speech

I am trying so hard not to share every little thing about our own personal Royal Wedding, but here is just one more. I must admit to more sentiment than humor in this one but hope you will give it a look because it is just a tiny look at one man’s life. This is my speech at the Wedding.

My Son
Before R was born we dallied with a number of names looking for just the right moniker. His dad called from the ER one evening to say a little boy had been brought in with red hair and blue eyes and his name was R. Just that easily our baby ..if a boy..had a name.

From birth he brought lightness, joy and an amazing skill with people. Naturally, balanced with that, came stubbornness and tenacity.

R marched to a different drummer with his first steps and to this day he often seems genuinely surprised that the universe actually may have it’s own drummer .

WE, all of us here, have a drummer of some sort to keep our rhythm of life.
R is one of those rare souls that has a whole marching band.

This is the stuff the shakers and the makers of the world are made of. This is the stuff of an incredible man, my son.

So my son, This is you

2 years old….
R don’t run with a stick in your mouth
R don’t run with That stick in your mouth
R get in the car we are going to emerge

3 years old.
Ryan go play Mommy’s doing laundry
“Drink Mommy”
Ryan that is bleach!!
Hello…poison control…this Mrs B
R get in the car we are going to emerge

R it’s okay if you do not eat dinner but you get nothing more til breakfast
“Drink mommy”
Hello poison control..this is Mrs. B. R drank my Lemon Up hair conditioner
R get in the car we are going to emerge

Hello poison control?
Hello Mrs. B what did R take this time.?

His Generous Nature

R was in hospital for a couple of days. Breakfast came the next morning. The little girl in the crib next to him did not get breakfast. R crawled out of crib, into hers and gave her an orange.
A sign of his generosity.
Nurse…”Chris, R gave the little girl next to him an orange..we had to cancel her surgery.”

One snowy Thanksgiving Day R came home for dinner. He was living in Simcoe and was glad for the left overs I sent with him. When I called the next day I asked if he enjoyed the food. He said, “Mom last night I looked outside and saw a homeless man in a doorway so I gave him sandwich and soup,and gave him my blanket. He was asleep so I covered him up put the food beside him.”

People Skills and instilling confidence..
Eunice…you know Chris. I was nervous about letting the boys go canoeing..but R reassured me that he is an expert canoeist.
Me ….Eunice..R has never been in a canoe before

Val…Chris. I don’t let Andrea go out in cars with kids but I always know she is safe with R driving
Me..Val, R does not have a drivers license

Sincerity
R has an amazing group of friends, a band of brothers of substance, talent and great humor. This is one of the rewards that life has brought this man of strong moral fiber.

And then a few years ago came a young woman who first said to me…R makes me laugh!
And over the years I have seen them laugh, work, and struggle and survive and grow.
Last night my son said to me, “Mom I’m sorry it has taken me so many years to marry but I had to wait until she was ready. And if I had to I would have waited forever”

Oh yeah and if I come across my other son’s speech from his wedding I will share it…cross dressing, pyromania all at the age of 2 and a loving heart!

Ten Fav Things For Mama Kat

The Wedding
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My Current 10 Favs Include more than one person.
 
1) I love Kilts and Best Brothers – and yes the kilt was worn au naturel as demanded by tradition.
 
Groom Kilt Brother in Tux
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
2) I love the women who make my sons happy!  Heidi who has been married to
 
Tom for 9 years and says she could not have had a more perfect husband, and
 
Mary Beth or MB who has just married my son in the Kilt.
 
 
3) I love that both men are good men, well regarded, who love laughter and
 
general silliness and are devoted to their wives.
 
 
4) I loved this wedding that was so laid back that when the minister asked what
 
symbols they brought to signify their love, the bride answered our rings..but
 
they are in the other room.  Yes everyone chuckled and waited while the maid
 
of honor set off to retrieve them.
 
 
5)  I love my exhusband who gave a wonderful speech about his son and even
 
the exe’s wife who to my knowledge had no disparaging remarks to make about
 
me…at least that I heard.
 
 
6) I love my son, the groom, Ryan, who believes in his roots and family and
 
who wore a kilt to honor my mothers family the Jenkins.
 
 
7)  I love my son Thomas for his devotion to his family, his crazy humor, and
 
his wild appreciation of life.
 
 
8)  I love MB’s family who have taken Ryan as one of their own.
 
 
9)  I love my sister Jane who provides more support than she can ever know.
 
And yes the bra..when she saw my perfect dress she said a strapless bra would
 
be perfect.  I do not have one I said.  Yes! you do she said as she whipped
 
her dress off and promptly gave me hers.  Right there.  Right then!
 
 
10)  I love my grandsons..Tom and Heidi’s sons who think I am the coolest
 
grandma in the world..because I tell them so
 
 
And really there has to be one more..sorry Mama Kat I know I am breaking the rules. 
 
11) I love every reader, every one of you who comments on my blog.  You are the best!
 
Mama

Weddings, Cleanses, Trains, and Automobiles..No Planes Thank God!

Weddings, Cleanses, Trains, and Automobiles..No Planes Thank God!
 

Planes not..trains and autos yes
You all know -well those of you who read me, the others won’t of course – that I have been completely, let me repeat that, completely laid back, calm, mellow, chilled, composed, placid, tranquil, serene, collected, loose, about this whole wedding thing coming up Saturday. And all without the aid of fermented distilled liquids or other aids.

Vino

 
For you dear folk that have inquired as to my cleansing attempt to appear perkier for the day….it was disaster! Within two days I noticed an increasing accumulation of fluid and the ‘belly fat” it promised to eliminate. Next day up four pounds! I quickly remedied that by enlisting the help of my good friend Senekot. Some may resort to the help of a personal trainer but Senekot is cheaper and quicker. I cut calories, worked out more and grew and grew and grew.
 
I got a dress far lovelier than I ever thought possible that fit in the store. I may have to wear an old robe and just carry it on the hanger as I walk down the aisle as Mother of the Groom. MOG. One dear blogging friend said that people would say, “that Chris, she is so MOGnanimous ” Now I fear they may say, “that Chris she is so huMONGous! Just kidding there – all is back to normal. The problem is I wanted better than normal. No glowing liver or colon to display. Probably better that way.
 

Wedding Robe

So did not sleep as panic stepped in to smack me upside the head last night. “You fool”, it said. “How dare you think you can sail through this unscathed by worry, stress, and fear”?

Away I say!

 
This morning bought train tickets for sis, Aunt and me.
This morning printed off hotel confirmations for sis, Aunt and me and made one more reservation for another.
Bought the wine for the rehearsal party and had it delivered.
 
Still must do haircut, manicure, get silky undies…since my innards are no longer worth displaying.
 
My credit cards are creaking from mounting costs but not yet broken. (Hang on babies just til Monday). Am hosting breakfast the morning after at the King Eddy so Monday it must be.
 
So:
Cost of wedding prep……………………………………………mucho dinero
Cost of panic, fear, stress, worry, sleeplessness, panic again……………………………………………………………………priceless

I AM MOM! No really…I AM!

Those of you who know me well, know that I tend to look at things differently.  For me Mothers Day is not a celebration of me, but a chance to honor my children!  For without them, how could I possibly be such a super mommy?   While I do not usually publish family pics, today is special so let me introduce my crew.

My youngest Tom, with G1 and G2 Rowan (left) Caleb (right)
 
Tom posted this on facebook tonight:
I love you and thank you for all you have done.

The love of a mother is beyond compare
One who dearly loves and is always there
From scraped knees
                                                       To falls from trees
                                                       A mother cares for all
                                                       From “I told you so”
                                                        To “That’s a no-no! ”
                                                       A mother answers the call

Heidi (DL)with Rowan a great Mom!

                                        Mothers cook, mothers clean, some even work a job
                          Even with all their strength, a mother still knows how to sob
                                    Mothers should be honored for all they have done
Every day of the year, not just one
There is nothing better than a mother’s love
For her time on this earth   thank  God  above
A mother’s love endures forever
Its unbreakable bonds no on can sever
No matter how much I have grown
My mother’s love is always shown
She has become a mentor and a guide
Within her always I am able to confide
No better payment for her I can find
Then to love her with heart, and with mind
To the one who bore me; I share my emotion
To the one who raised me; Absolute devotion
To this woman I express my joy
You will always be my “mommy” and I your “baby boy”

“Glaedr the poet.”

 
And here below are Ryan and Mary Beth, my son and future DL (by this time next week!)
Ryan and my future DL (wedding is one week from now!)

 So I celebrate my offspring and their chosen partners who by the way may officially be daughters in law, but in this family they are daughters!

It also gives me the perfect chance to show who I blame for my quirkiness, my  wit, my insanity, my screwy humor, cause while they simply received the “crazy” gene, it is much more exacerbated in them, and it is very very very infectious!

See where the smile and silliness comes from?

MOG…Fascinators…Detox..Dress..Oh, No Dress..Rehearsal Party

MOG.. Fascinators…Detox…Dresses…oh, no dress..Rehearsal Party
 
My good blogging friend Merrilymarylee@wordpress.com messaged me, surprised somewhat that with eleven days to go to the Real Royal Wedding, I am still blogging merrily away. Well actually she is merrily doing things by virtue of her moniker. I guess that means I am burning…a..bridge ..or two…ss we most likely live up to our names. Or I like to think we do.
 
That got me thinking that perhaps I should do a little checklist to see how ready I am. Something tells me I should look at priorities first. And I would if I could figure out what they are.
 
Oh yes..

Fascinating Fascinator? Not

First – the fascinator issue. The guests of the OTHER Royal family certainly made a statement and it will be interesting to see if anyone dares don dinky headwear. Although judging by some, are you listening Beatrice, not so dinky and not so frivolous. After consulting the MOB ( that’s Mother of the Bride not the real MOB with guns and fedoras), we, the royal Mums will not be so adorned. Instead we shall be resplendent in our God given growing out of follicles, nature’s own. I believe she will visit a salon while this Queen Mum will wear a style nest described as what ever my hair wants so it will be. 
 

Detox Not

Second – Detox. Something that promised to perk me up, cleanse the systems liver and colon. Geez, stopped after four days. Gained four pounds and definitely not perky. Darned probiotics. Now working on getting rid of those effects!
 
Dress – Still haven’t got one but after the cleanse effect have decided to cave on the ‘I will never wear a Spanx’ issue. So will get one of those. Spanks yes. Dress, hopefully!
 
Rehearsal Party – as MOG I host this little soiree. Tried to get a caterer who did not return by calls or emails. The affair is in Toronto and I am not. The MOB, not the Mob with guns and fedoras, the other one came up with a fab idea so is helping.
 
Just have to get train tickets for sis, me and auntie and then looks like I am done
 
Yup, I have lots of time to blog. Come to think of it I guess if it was my wedding would still have time to blog?
 
The only thing left on my list for this Royal Wedding is…to HAVE FUN!
 

My dress Not

One Third – 33 1/3% Not quite half full or half empty…

One Third -331/3% – Not quite a half full or half empty glass..

Full? Empty? Half? Third?

 

Jackie from Twist365…http://thejackieblog.com/2011/05/01/one-third-celebration/#respond pointed out in her blog today, that we postadayers are now one third along in our quest. What quest is that you ask, conveniently?
 
Why …THE QUEST! – our sacred mission, to bring to your eyes, minds and hearts and possibly nightmares, unsolicited declarations of our wit, our intelligence, our hopes, our fears, our skeletons, our not so hidden sins, our crimes against humanity, our Joan of Arc martyrdom of it all, our heroism, our cowardice, our illusions, our delusions. Our SELVES!
 
Yes and you get it everyday, without fail. For we are
THE POSTADAY2011 Squadron! You lucky lucky lucky readers,
 
Inner Voice: Get of the soapbox Chris…calm yourself…take a deep breath..and get it done!
 
K, so the idea is to post your own three favorites of the first third. This is really tough for me as I crack myself up regularly, rolling on the floor at my own genius. Or I do a sentimental piece that mercilessly decimates the gate keepers of my tear ducts and opens the dam for a satisfying, cleansing, good for the complexion, old fashioned cry.
 
Nuff said..now to list three and only three…nuts.
 
Humor on Dating….not always funny but thought provoking..no it is almost always funny.
 https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/dating-by-the-light/
 
Childhood Memories and Lessons
https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/the-house-that-built-me/
 
Humor on Sizing Matters Up
https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/size-does-matter/
 
You can figure out my dilemma can’t you? Now I have written these down, they are no longer my favorites. But if I picked something else, these would again turn into favs because I did not choose them.