Yesteryear: When it Really Was an Honour to Serve the Sick

Yesteryear: When it Really Was an Honour to Serve the Sick

In 1978 I had the privilege of working for the Sisters of St. Joseph in Brantford, Ontario where I remained for almost twenty years.  Then, as now, each workplace had its own ambiance, and culture, but the emphasis then had an awful lot to do with respect.  Not just in Healthcare but in business.  And not just for bosses but for everyone.

Those were the days when treating employees well, resulted in happier employees and happier results.  Employee retention was important indicating a well-trained, knowledgeable, productive and stable work environment.

In those days, at least in my world, one felt valued, and performed accordingly.  Doing a good job was self-rewarding.

The Sisters lived on the fifth floor of the hospital and were an intricate part of daily hospital life.  They had a vegetable garden and often cooked up wonderful soups for everyone.  It wasn’t unusual to come on the night shift at 11 pm and find a pot of soup simmering on the stove in the kitchen of each unit.

Our motto was simple: It’s an Honour to Serve the Sick

It was printed on the bottom of all our stationary and posted on walls.  I am sure not everyone felt the same way, but I believed in that motto.  I believed in the sentiment.  I felt it. Actually I felt it long before I even knew I was going to be a nurse.  I suppose that came from years of reading books when I was younger; Dr. Tom Dooley, Florence Nightingale.

I wasn’t a young naïve child when I went to work there.  In 1978 I was thirty-one.  It was just part of my nature to embrace the core value of nursing, as I saw it.

Now they weren’t true Halcion days, with constant joy, but looking at today’s work environments and standards of care it, they were the best of years.

Pretty soon some dim bulb decided that our faith based care had to become more businesslike.  The nuns were ousted to residence at the Mother House in Hamilton, and the fifth floor became offices.

The motto was thrown out, and ridiculous lengthy pretend words were posted denoting, Mission, Vision, and Values. (All of which took meetings on meetings on meetings to create).  The energy that was spent in delivering care to patients, staff, and families, and community was now spent in – yup you guessed it – in meetings.

The Ministry of Health changed funding and doctors and patient conditions no longer determined length of stay.  The running joke was, ‘It’s an Honour to Serve the Sick in five days or less’.

In any healthcare facility today you will see all kinds of information posted.  How many falls occurred per unit, per month, per year – interventions of the same.  Charts on infections, use of antibiotics – information ad nauseum.

This is what I call CYA.  Cover Your Ass with the Ministry.  Remember in Harry Potter that some Ministries were evil?  My thoughts exactly on our ‘Ministries’.

Have you any idea the professional dollars wasted on the positions putting together this information in a deemed acceptable fashion that could be used to give direct care?

STOP THE JUSTIFICATIONS I want to yell. You are not convincing anybody.  Least of all me.

I believed in Care and Caring.  And don’t let anyone tell you it is the same thing.  Care is something you deliver to those in need.  Caring is the way you do it.

I believed a good employer cares for and looks after his clients AND his employees.

I believed It’s an Honour to Serve the Sick.

I guess I still do.

*Sadly this hospital closed in the 90’s at a time when Ontario shut down many hospitals across the province.  I was actually sitting on a committee in Queen’s Park before that happened and when discussion came up about closures it never occurred to me that my hospital would be on the list.

** Of course I was also the one who said in 1970 that the new coffee shop, known as Tim Horton’s would never succeed.  It just never occurred to me that anyone would leave home to pay for coffee.

Oh well….

****Throughout writing this my mind has sifted through many memories of my Nun friends and what they taught me, but mostly my mind had been on Sister Patricia Valeriote, so this is a shout out to her.

 

 

 

A View of Death by Murder in Seniors Homes

I was saddened at the news of the death of a Senior Resident who was killed by another Resident of that Home in the Toronto area.  A seventy-five year old gentleman assaulted and killed a seventy-two year old woman who was also a Resident and inflicted injuries on a ninety-two year old woman.  He has been charged with second degree murder and assault.

Did it have to be that way?

There are a number of cautionary statements that should be made for those who read these accounts or listen to them on the news, but before I address them, I need to tell you a story about my personal experience with violent Residents.

Once upon a time, not all that long ago, I was the acting Director of a Long Term Facility, and we admitted a gentleman to one of our units.  The assessment by CCAC and admission history from the family did not indicate a potential for violence.  In fact he was delightful and seemed happy with his room with its large view window and naturally a little shy.

I went to welcome him when he was admitted and again at the evening meal to introduce him to his table mates help him feel some level of comfort.  He was pleasant.  But one late afternoon all that changed.  He suddenly became aggressive, and ranting and swinging and tried to get out of a second storey window.

The staff reacted perfectly, removing all other residents who may be at risk, keeping constant contact with the man and directing others to call the police.  He was safely removed from the Home to the psychiatric unit at a local hospital.

After a time (I am not sure of how many weeks as I naturally don’t have exact notes to refer to) the hospital, CCAC, Social Workers, Psychiatrist all wanted to have a meeting to discuss his return to the Home.  I took a stand that this man still posed a risk to the rest of our fragile population.  Everyone else took a stand that he was safe to return but could not promise me that he was in fact ‘safe’.  There were actually a number of meetings, by phone with the hospital, discharge planning, and CCAC.  They were mad and frustrated and I was standing firm.

*Please note that explanations of how the LTC system works would involve a great deal of information and could not possibly be disseminated in one article.  It is a complicated and complex system, and I caution you not to make judgements based on who says what and suggested ‘solutions’ from a myriad of sources.

Anyway, the hospital wanted him out.  Hospital administrations are under a great deal of pressure not to allow patients to stay one day longer than what the Ministry perceives as necessary.  As a result, the old pendulum effect is that many people are discharged too early which leads to its own problems.  I argued that this gentleman should be put on a general medical floor with other patients to see how he managed – which led to a very loud roar of ‘how dare you suggest something so reasonable you idiot.’

While this struggle went on our staff were busy.  My nurses, some of who were among the best I have ever seen, along with our Social Worker were seeking a solution that would allow re-entry.  He was not judged as evil or bad but as a resident we/they truly cared about and wanted to see safe and happy.

They closely examined all the information we had about him, and finally pieces of the puzzle came together.  He was a boy of about nine when Nazi Germany occupied his country.  He had seen his best friend killed by soldiers.  He lived his youth in justified fear and in his aging mind he began to live in the reality of those days and at times could not distinguish between now and then.  We were unable to understand his ramblings in his native tongue at the time of ‘the episode’, but gradually some things became clearer.  He did not see himself as the aggressor but a victim.  The staff in uniform he viewed as the enemy.  He was not trying to commit suicide when trying to get out of the window –a consideration that had to be made if only to rule it out – but was trying to escape danger. It is interesting to note that while the committees and Drs. insisted this fellow had no violent episodes in hospital, a quiet chat on the side with staff actually doing the care revealed that he was  not violent because he was restrained physically and pharmaceutically, something that is prohibited in Long Term Care Facilities.

What happened is that a bed became available on one of our secure units and he was admitted there.  More staff specially trained in cognitive function and dysfunction embraced his welcome and for a while he was fine.  Eventually he was moved to another secure unit and again in time began resort to aggression again.  By that time I was on my way out and the solution lay with other brighter fresher minds.

The purpose of telling that story is to let you know the potential for deadly action and reaction by Residents is there every day, and the solutions are not so easy.

When something like this happens it becomes a blame game.  The unions, in this instance CUPE, starts yelling about needing more staff, the administration gets blamed for non-action on Ministry findings *and let me tell you there is a lot wrong with the Ministry of Health and Long Term Care in Ontario who list findings of non-compliance which may in truth be minor or major but are at times like this with no regard to severity.  As a matter of fact I believe their standards were created to CYA (cover your ass) or actually their asses when something does go wrong.  ‘Not our fault’.

Too much in Health Care today is about finger pointing somewhere else instead of taking responsibility.

Unions, or anyone else who pounds their fists and shrieks when an incident occurs, take the easy way out.  More Funding.  More Staff.  More more more.  I would suggest in fact that MORE is not what we need.  I would suggest that every level right down to the front line direct care level has become about, ‘Not our fault’.

I would suggest that layers of management structured to justify position and documentation need to be stripped bare. 

RNs need to be back on the floor, not doing QA reports, company reports, ministry reports, but front line assessing and directing care, teaching, coaching, and mentoring.  The MOHLTC has made reflection of care an idiots game of using the right words or turn of phrase and God help you if you fail to put it ‘just right’.  Documentation does not reflect care, it is purposefully complex.  Get back to basics.

Staff in this current case documented over a long period of time the violence and potential violence of this particular gentleman – their way of saying, ‘not my fault’.

Senior administration will blame those below who will argue, well we told you.

People are so busy justifying and avoiding blame or responsibility the actual front line care is compromised.  When a budget has to be cut it is the front line that suffers.  This is a truth, and the fact is that somewhere above that front line another position for the justification of moneys will probably be created.

I believe the surprise at this deadly event is not that it occurred but that it has not occurred more often.

For many people old age and dementias of one sort or another leads them to live in a younger time, not just in memory but in actuality.  Many years ago one woman in LTC would shriek absolutely terrified during her shower.  It turned out she was a survivor of Nazi death  camps which gave the term ‘shower ‘ a whole new meaning.  There are still survivors of wars who relive those events again and again.  Residents who never experienced war but lived through spousal abuse relive the moments.  The good old days for many are in fact the bad old days and once they take up residence in those aging brains the reality changes.

The company who owns this particular Home is a good company, they have to be to have survived and thrived in this particular atmosphere that challenges and prevents really addressing the problems.

All I can say is don’t be too quick to judge or believe anything written or reported in this situation.  We don’t know the specifics and the answer is not clean and neat.

Long Term Care in Ontario needs a completely new approach, one so daring that it might undermine the comfortable justification not my fault approach of today.  Somewhere out there are people who know what has to be done and hopefully they will be brave enough to step up and take on the misguided leaders and politics in this very sick system.  Just remember that in spite of this – good care is being delivered, Residents are being kept safe.  But I do find myself wondering if this is just because of plain old dumb luck or if perhaps we will be brave enough to make the changes.

One thing I am pretty sure of – good care and safety are a result of our front line workers who persist under a cumbersome system because they do really care.

Related articles

• CUPE calls for ‘adequate’ staffing in seniors’ care facilities (ctvnews.ca)
• Woman killed, another injured, in attack at seniors residence in Scarborough (thestar.com)
• Advocates say more care workers needed in Ontario seniors homes (cbc.ca)
• Nursing home residents at risk: W5 investigation (ctvnews.ca)

Allergies Winning

When I was a youngster it was unusual for anyone to have allergies.  In my public school at the time where a few hundred students were mostly healthy there were probably a handful of students who required ‘shots’.  Triggers may have been grass (the green growing kind) or strawberries or ….

Then it seemed the world changed suddenly and allergies that were once a nuisance became deadly.  I remember a few years ago reading an article in the paper about the father of the bride, at the reception, tasted the wedding cake with its marzipan icing and immediately went into anaphylactic shock and died.  At the wedding.  His allergy was peanuts.

Then not all that long ago I read about a man and his wife who were hiking – something they did often, through the forests, far from anyone else.  He had an allergy to bees I think.  Anyway he got stung, something they both had been prepared for.  I believe the wife administered the epi-pen (Epinephrine).  But she only had one pen and he knew after 20 minutes he would need another.  Help was just too far away.  They both knew there was no hope.  The article reported that all they could do was for her to hold him lovingly and watch him die.

I guess I thought that sort of occurance was rare and truthfully when I heard that peanut butter sandwiches and cookies were no longer allowed in schools I thought it somewhat of an over reaction.  Then when our Rowan – the baby came along  it became evident very early that he had a peanut butter allergy.  Testing revealed eggs were bad guys too although he could eat bread and cakes with no problem.  Reality hit when the doc ordered an epi-pen to be kept with him at all times.

He is four now and I guess we have been pretty lucky, or were until last evening.  Somehow in the course of eating a cheesebun, which he had before, he suddenly complained of stomach pain and then vomiting.  He was quickly given Benadryl which will usually stop or slow down a reaction but this time it didn’t work.

Throughout it all he appeared more confused than anything as though he was puzzled at what was taking place in and on his poor wee body.  The paramedic thought the benedryl was starting to work although his heart rate stayed around 148/minute.  He no longer had control of what was happenening and seemed to be quite puzzled about the whole thing.  He didn’t cry when Mommy went in the ambulance with him to McMasters Childrens Hospital and Daddy followed in the car.  Grandma stayed home with Caleb who was very scared by all the activity but he did an excellent job flagging down the emergency vehicles as they arrived.

By the time he reached emergency his swelling eyes and deep read flush over parts of his body had gotten worse.  It took a few hours and when they returned from the hospital a tired but a better coloured fellow returned, not the red balloon that left but a more normal ‘I still don’t feel well pallor’ that was a comfort.

He is on steroids for a few days and was a little more normal today although still not quite right back.

This was a severe reaction but the swelling never affected his throat – this time.  We have 2 epi-pens and will pack Benadryl in his tote bag.  The heartbreak watching a child suffer suddenly became personal and heartbreaking.  There is nothing worse – no – of course there always is something worse – but for our own personal evening, watching that tiny body put on a stretcher with monitors, turning redder and itchier with every minute and not knowing why was a show stopper.  A moment when we are reminded how precious life is and to always be ready to do what we can.

It’s  a heck of a lesson but it came at a time when we were hoping that new testing would show he might be growing out of it.

I certainly have a new respect for people who deal with this threat on a regular basis.  Its a new world and we must be vigilant.

Everyone here is very tired tonight and I think we shall all be tucked in early to play a little catchup.

Laid Low By Fibro Major Flare Up #1 2012

Apologies all.  I had some rather witty things to say today regarding cheek bones but have encountered major flare up from old friend who I conquered years ago but drops in to let me know I am still vulnerable now and then. There are measures but like any super hero – must retreat to Bat Cave, Ice Palace etc etc to recharge.  Energy very low pain high ..off to rest 100%.  My doc reminds me that for as bad as a flare up can be for me I do recover while somewith Fibro live like this always.

Please drop in and see my friend Joss Burnel at crowingcrone.wordpress.com. and link upto her. B.E.W.E.L.L. site.  Joss is our resident expert on Fibro and just published a great book on the subject.

Like the Phoenix I shall rise again…..confirmed size effect..drama!

Yesterday Was It?- The Best Day of My Life – WAS IT?

Yesterday I blogged about my horoscope and the best day of my life.

This is what the prediction was:

“Listen closely to the wind, for the answers are blowing around right in front of you today, christine. Make contact with people you haven’t heard from in a while. You will find that you can be quite productive today in situations that you least expect. Ironically, the less you plan, the more you will get accomplished. Be spontaneous in your actions. Revelations will come to you like lightening.”

THIS is what happened:

I read the above and thought whooohooo!  
I leaped, well almost from leaped from my bed, into my suit and headed down to my pool for a few invigorating laps.
Feeling charged, showered, dressed and off to my fav coffee shop for a treat of half waffle with fruit and yogurt and coffee waiting for this answers to start swirling.
Did my post there, researched information on Empaths, and headed home to plan a day of further delights.  Of course the plan, can you plan it? was to be spontaneous.

About an hour later I ran into a problem.  I started trembling.  Hmm I thought, is it possible I am getting a revelation?  The trembling got worse.  And worse.  My hands shook so badly I could not pick up a pen and could barely hit the buttons on the phone.
The revelation? – call your sister and get to Emerg -something was definitely wrong,

Now I have not been well for about a month.  And being a good nurse I usually wait things out just to see if they will get better on their own.  Went to my doc a week ago and got antibiotics for a possible kidney thing.  No improvement.

I have never been to Emerg on the receiving end but knew it would be a long wait.  No hockey game that day. (the news had reported that when there is a major playoff game the ERs are deserted).  Nuts.

But service wasn’t bad.  It was good in fact.  Hmmm did this mean I was really sick?  So blood tests and x-rays.  Nice nurses and cute doc.

Not done yet.  Back for a CT scan at 2:30 this afternoon.

A little history – my birthday celebrations  for number 64 of last week held special meaning.
Both my parents died young of cancer of the pancreas, my dad at 57 and my mom at 63, so hitting 64 was a milestone.  A victory.  I figured I missed that genetic prophecy.  Right now of course that is sort of up in the air as the symptoms are..suggestive.

So was this horoscope accurate?  YES!
1)  The answers were blowing right in front of me.  In my dizziness that’s exactly what they were doing..blowing and floating.
2). Make contact with people I hadn’t heard from in a while…well as a patient in ER it certainly was a long long while.
3). Productive in situations I least expect..uh huh..no doubt about that one!
4). The less I planned the more I get accomplished – rather the more some people got accomplished.
5). I was very spontaneous – very!
6). Revelations will come like lightening.  Cannot argue that one.  At all.

It was a good horoscope.  It made me look after some rather pressing matters, and today I will finish that up.

So to:
 Tracy at ihaveabackbone.wordpress.com the first comment I read this morning – Yes one way or another, I guess it was the best day, though I might have wished for a little different! 🙂

Elizabeth at http://eof737.wordpress.com/ thanks for your kind words and yes we will see how it goes!

Sana my fav doc at http://friendtoyourself.wordpress.com I will keep on!

Colleen my Chatter Master friend at http://bikecolleenbrown.wordpress.com/ Aren’t we both having fun with our health this month? Yes and have to agree..gotta love the potential? 🙂

Cassie at http://cassiebehle.wordpress.com/ Tylenol did not help that particular blast of genius!

Nance at http://www.maturelandscaping.com/ What an incredible answer thank you for the fabulous information! Loved it!

Joss at http://crowingcrone.wordpress.com/ the day was magnificent..in it’s own way!

Kat at http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/ that’s a fascinating history I guess the truth will out!

My horoscope today?
Maybe I will just skip reading these any more.  Nah probably not!

Today is an important day for you to make valuable connections with others, christine. You will find yourself engaged in fast paced, witty conversations and debates from which you can learn a great deal. You are good at seeing both sides of an issue, but the problem is that this can lead to incisiveness and an inability to commit to anything. Choose a path today and stick to it

Have a great day my readers.  Make it so! I will!

*Warning – Reading May be Hazardous to Your Health

*Warning – Reading may be Hazardous to Your Health

The results of an extensive study in The Effects of Reading on the Human Psyche and Physical Manifestations was released for the first time today on WordPress.com.  The study completed by the highly respected Ms. King has drawn some criticism from authors, teachers, preachers and Oprah.

Ms. King defends her paper, stating to this reporter that her findings are conclusive and irrefutable.  The results completed in a thirty second review during her morning coffee have shaken the academic world. W5, 60 Minutes,  and CNN are poised to take on the villain as they have confirmed the results through their own thirty second review and are horrified and ashamed that they have missed this long established travesty.

“My intensive investigation deals with only one media and not the literary world at large.”

*Reading is bad for your health when done on a regular basis and may lead to; hypertension, hypotension, not to mention distention, contention, depression, aggravation, generalization, hallucination, exacerbation, over stimulation, disinclination, palpitation, elevation, euphoria, dysphoria, anorexia and diarrhea, homicide, suicide, the upside of downside.

“The media itself is not the culprit but rather the content which produces the aforementioned afflictions.”

We can only provide a small sampling as any more will simply sicken the readers of this article.

Headline Horrors

1) eHealth Ontario doles out merit pay.  This controversial agency has had a reputation for hiring incompetence, then firing incompetence rewarding them with huge pay outs.  The province of Ontario has frozen wages for two years for the poor working souls but continues to reward “special people”.  Ontario’s deficit is $16.7 Billion dollars. 

2) Schwarzenegger Shriver Swindle.  Why are we giving these idiots any press at all?  He’s sorry – that he got caught.  She’s an idiot for tolerating it.
Edwards, Clinton, Sandford, Spitzer.  

3) Strauss-Khan fall from grace? I don’t even want to hear it. Worst case scenario he’ll sell a book and get off the hook.

4) Genetic Discrimination by insurers.  So you work hard to get a career as a chiropractor.  You need insurance because that is another rip off and the application form asks if there is any Huntington’s Disease in the family.  You don’t have it but daddy does.  Oops let’s not insure this enterprising young woman.  Seems you can only get insurance if you won’t ever need it.

5) A young girl ran as a candidate in a recent federal election.  She was a bar manager..not ballet..booze.  She never campaigns, goes off to Vegas for a vacation returns and now has a plush well paying government job.  Her riding is largely French, but she speaks no French.  She has no political experience I know. She’s in like Flint and no one knows how or why.

6) A Canadian nurse goes on line with a false identity, encourages 2 young people to commit suicide, ends up with a slap on the wrist, except for once a year on the anniversary of their death he must spend one night in jail.  Lets hope they preserve his rights so he will not be separated from his computer.

7) Running over people in Canada only costs five hundred dollars.  Yup. You pay the fine for failing to yield under The Highway Traffic Act.  You don’t go to jail and you don’t even lose your license.

So now I am off to read blogs, where humor, wit, insight, is genuine and the only antidote to reading newspapers.  

If you are a regular newspaper reader please tell me how you maintain your sanity?

When Heroes Die

When Heroes Die
 
A young girl dreams of a career in nursing after reading a book by Tom Dooley on his work in the jungle. (This is where I started to worry about lipstick melting in the heat, as discussed previously.) But I knew that regardless I would be working at his side someday, healing the sick and stamping out disease. Then only a couple of years later I read of his death in the newspaper. I was sad to have a hero die….deep inside I put the big lipstick worry aside and forgot my dream. I could not have forgotten all about completely as I did end up a nurse anyway.
 
He has been on my mind lately so I decided to do some reading. And yes he is still my hero, a man of great works. And the key word here is “man”. For no matter what great works we do we still have imperfections. And that is okay.
The worst thing any of us can do is believe that someone who does good is perfect, a thought which is often engineered by press, politics, church, business, ourselves, and on discovery of truth, that great work becomes less.
 
How many heroes have had the effect of their great works negated by expose?
Its time we recognize accomplishment without expecting perfection in others.
It’s time we recognize accomplishment without expecting perfection in ourselves.
Just ask, Churchill, Kennedy, Woods, Nightingale et al including every artist and writer who ever lived.
 
Dr. Tom Dooley
1927-1961
 
” He was genuinely loved by the Laotian people, who dubbed him Thanh Mo America, Dr. America. And this love was definitely returned by Dooley. For all his vainglory, and self-centeredness, he did set personal high standards for MEDICO physicians, and sought to make of his Operation Laos, a people to people project.” (James T. Fisher, Dr. America: The Lives of Thomas A. Dooley)
 
Listen to the agony of mankind
 
I who am fed, who never yet went hungry for a day,
I see the dead, the children starved for lack of bread.
I see and try to pray.
 
Listen to the agony of mankind
I who am warm, who never yet have lacked a sheltering home,
In dull alarm, the dispossessed of hut and farm
Aimless and transient roam.
 
Listen to the agony of mankind
I who am strong, with health and love and laughter in my soul,
I see a throng of stunted children reared in wrong
And wish to make them whole.
 
Listen to the agony of mankind
And know full well that not until I share their bitter cry,
Their pain and hell, can God within my spirit dwell
And bring America’s blessing nigh.
 
•Dr. Tom Dooley
 
 
 
http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/f/fisher-america.html

What I Lack….

What I Lack

This was the only choice for me in this challenge.  Mostly because what I lack is so overwhelming.  It all comes down to one thing.  And that one thing is the source of all lackness.

If we lack confidence it is because of IT.
If we lack money it is because of IT.
If we lack happiness it is because of IT.
If we lack beauty it is because of IT.
If we lack peace within it is because of IT.
If we lack wisdom it is because of IT.

I have had IT sporadically but because it comes and goes and I can never hang on to IT I seek IT.  But obviously not with fervor or I would have IT all the time.
I love IT when I have IT.  I hate IT when I don’t.
When I don’t have IT I can never figure a way to get IT.
IT just seems to show up and I revel in the wonderfulness.

Nuts…..if only I could figure IT out?
You can’t beat Willpower!

The Woman on the Train and What is Wrong with Enlightenment

Peace

The Woman on the Train and What is Wrong with Enlightenment

Last year I travelled to Toronto by train every day for three days. The first morning I chatted with a woman, not the one in the title, but a very nice gal who was a teacher doing some work for the Ministry of Education.  She was fascinating and we clicked.  Going home that evening I saw her again at the train station and we picked up our conversation from the morning.  This went on each of the three days.

When I got to the station at the end of the third day I did not see my friend right away so chatted with a pleasant woman while we waited for the boarding call.  The woman said she had been to a hospital in the city for an appointment.  I didn’t pry into her health issues and she talked a bit about her life.  There was something very strange about her, an aura, a radiating peace.  She appeared to be smiling even when she wasn’t, speaking softly but with great power and at the same time seeming amazingly humble.  I was in awe just looking at her and could not understand why.  I felt for some reason I was in the presence of greatness but could not give it definition.

I spotted my friend further down the queue and knew she would be looking for me so I excused myself even though I did not want to move.  Shaking my head in puzzlement I went to join my friend.

On the train this strange woman was sitting by herself in one of those sets of seats where four face each other.  I asked if we could join her.  We three chatted about nothing in particular.  Then this strange woman looked at me -into me-and told me her story quietly.  And all else ceased to exist.

She said her appointment had been to assess her status.  She said that her mother and two sisters had died of cardiomyopathy (a deadly heart condition).  It was genetic.  I whispered to her, “And you have it too?”
She nodded.  The only cure was a heart transplant but it could not be done until a certain point had been reached in her condition.  I knew from experience that often when patients reached that point their condition often worsened and they died before a heart came available.  And still she radiated joy and incredible peace.

My friend and I got off the train before that woman’s stop.  As we walked away, my friend asked if this condition was serious.  I told her that the woman is walking with death.

I think of her often and feel I was blessed to have been in her company.

Enlightenment – and finding it has been on my mind for a long time. I have read some things that made sense but I also read a book on enlightenment that just didn’t feel right.  It calls for us to wake up in the the morning and start jumping and yelling YES! YES!  It says that to be financially rich have friends gather around and shower us with money, literally. It said a few things that perplexed me.  It might come to your mind that I am frequently perplexed.

But then the thought came to me recently………the woman on the train was true enlightenment.  She was one with God, the universe or whatever our centre is.  No yelling.  No jumping.  Just incredible peace and joy and love and gentleness and humility.

I don’t know if I will ever see that kind of thing again.  I just know that for a short time I was closer to purity than I have ever been.  And I am humbled.

Now What Did I do with That Body?

Yes I lost a body. Well I didn’t exactly lose it myself. I just didn’t know where it was.
 
A few decades ago (I love being old enough to talk in decades), I was an evening supervisor of a hospital. It was a great job. In those days staffing was stabilized and when we were busy we worked like crazy. When things slowed down so did we. Nowadays as soon as there is a dip in activity nurses are redirected so they always function at peak levels. There is no restorative period and this leads to exhaustion, depression and a general dissatisfaction.
The only exception to this is still critical care areas where the one to one ratio still exists.
 
Most of the employees were happy then, regardless of what went on in their personal lives, and the evening shift in particular seemed that way. My job was to make rounds, act as a resource, teach and mentor. It was a pleasure to go to work!
 
We had a procedure, of course, for when a patient died. The doctor was called in to pronounce, the nurses contacted the family and confirmed arrangements such as which funeral home.
 
One evening a family doctor was called for such an event. He was an old country doc from a little village outside the city, and most of his patients were of his generation. These were people he took on when a fresh new GP forty years previously. And they all aged together. And they were friends.
 
He phoned the family and promised to stop by their house on the way home. He also told me he wanted to get the funeral home details. It was a sad time as he was also grieving a friend, but it also was heart warming and I agreed.
 
About an hour later I got a call from switchboard saying the funeral home staff had arrived to pick up the deceased. About an hour after that they called again to inform me the death certificate had been left behind. So I head up to the floor to ask the nurse the name off the Home. She didn’t know and neither did other staff or switchboard or the orderlies or the gardener. There was no gardener. But no one knew.
 
One cannot proceed with a funeral without a certificate. One cannot proceed with anything!
 
Well I’m figuring I am a pretty smart cookie. After all I am the boss. Think Chris. Think. So I pull out the yellow pages and start calling funeral homes. After the first dozen calls I realized two things: this wasn’t going to be so easy, and the ever kind compassionate soft voiced Directors of such establishments aren’t so pleasant when the business isn’t theirs.
 
Finally I completed the list with no success. I tried outside the city – no luck.
I tried calling the doc but he wasn’t home and did not carry a pager.
 
There was only one call left to make and it had to be done carefully and tactfully.
 
I called the family.
 
Introducing myself I gave my condolences and talked about things that the patient had said during his hospitalization and asked where he would be resting. They were so glad for my call and after a chat gave the info I needed.
 
It was a Home forty miles away!
 
Everything got done. And I learned that when a family does not come to hospital following the death of a loved one, to give them a call. It was a rough way to discover that the care we deliver goes beyond the confines of any hospital.