Category Archives: Falling apart

Hunkering down and about to do the hardest thing in the world ….for me

Oh I look so forward to a real writing day.  No visits to make.  No chores to do (okay lots of chores just begging for my attention but none that I shall acknowledge.  I believe dust bunnies are my friends.)

A perfect day to write.  I got out for an early morning walk before the heat sets in.  We are facing a five day run, at the END of September of temperatures 29C (84.2F) to 31C (87.8F).  And that is not including the humidity factor which will make the actual temp feel to be in the 40’s.

Back to my real writing day.  I have discovered, rather uncomfortably, that I can sit down at my desk, phone shut off, doors closed, segregation complete, until I start the Beast.  First quick check of emails but don’t respond, too many.  I found out the hard way that just one click and my morning is gone, baby, gone.

I notice there are comments on WordPress to answer,  Well, that has set up a deadly train to Happy Land but also No Production Land.  And I am in severe danger of being lured into doing and an actual post, always pleasant but again not productive for my immediate needs.

World’s Best Selling and World Changing Book of Fiction aside, I have been working on a very special project and it must be done by the end of October so I can have it ready for Christmas.  That’s all I can say about that.

Oh yeah, The Hardest Thing in The World for Me To Do?  TURN THE INTERNET OFF because I have no will power not to peek. 

Not enough to turn the phone off and create arctic conditions of seclusion.  I have friends who are grown up enough to just sit and write.  Not me.

But clicking that icon to ‘off’  is the hardest worst gut wrenching feeling.

See here I am coffee to the left of me, water to the write…I mean right, and instead of just ‘clicking’ I am writing this to you.

Enough – here I go – leaping.  It will only hurt for a nano sec.  Have a good day everyone.  I shall return.  Say in 10 hours. No sooner I say!

WHAT IF THE SOURCE OF ….

WHAT IF THE SOURCE OF WESTERN problems all stemmed from one evil? Societal restlessness, increased suicides and attempts, especially among the young, increased violent crimes, an increasingly hopelessness infused into each moment.

I wonder if we have let ourselves be duped, not unlike those of times long past who fell victim to purveyors of handy dandy things to make your life better, happier, bring you joy, ease.

You see I wonder if all our problems exist because of a collision of expectation and reality. Just like the anorexic young girl who cannot resolve her body image with that of skinny air brushed models we have been sold a load of nonsense about happiness.

That’s right. What if our expectation of happiness is not real, but an idea invented by small time scammers who made delusion a big time business.

Just like the simple country folk in the frontier days, shelling out hard earned dollars or cents (cents were so much more valuable then) to a shyster convincing them that the purchase of a bottle of mysterious happy juice would make your life, heart, or soul better, we began, decades ago buying up and into nonsense that life was all about being happy.

By the way the purveyors of this nonsense, who kept saying, look at me, how happy I am, You can be happy just like me, were indeed happy as society shelled out billions of dollars in books, on courses, in classes, advertising. At least they appeared that way externally, though I suspect their inner souls were just as bleak as any.

In the sixties the cry was, I am trying to find myself. Who am I?

Then along came the big roll out. Meditation, examination, imagination, any ATION, and all you had to do were pay. Happiness became a product. Buy this, be happy. Happiness in a bottle, a pill, a house, a car, a dress,……Or the most dangerous, Buy This Book, Idea Psychobabble told us imagine, visualize, believe, and it will manifest. The use of the word Manifest in itself should be a crime. And for those who tried to MANIFEST and did not succeed? Well they just did not do it right. We were, and continue to this day, we are being sold a Bill of Goods. It only fills the pockets of the sellers who are scamming you me and future generations. Sure they are happy, laughing at our gullibility all the way to the bank.

Then we came to believe that we had to convince our children they are happy or rather they should be happy. That life is all about being happy. They are not allowed to fail, to feel the pain of loss and know that it is okay, a part of life that makes us stronger. And they buy our Bill of Goods and become confused, depressed, and fearful when they cannot quite grasp this feeling they should have. What is wrong with me, they say. I must be deficient.

The pursuit of the illusive HAPPINESS has gone off to a realm of ridiculousness and people, especially our young are falling apart.

What if it all could be fixed?

What if we made a society (and we can by the way) where key words became, DIGNITY, HARD WORK, DETERMINATION, PERSERVERENCE, KINDNESS, NON-JUDGEMENT, VALUE PERSISTENCE.

What if we retaught ourselves that it is okay to fail, that there is a dignity in failing and falling? That failing does not mean unworthy? What if there was honor in the struggle?

What if we let our children know that it is okay not to feel happy in any given moment?

What if the new word became Satisfaction? Not in the result but in the attempt to live a good hard working honorable life. (with heavy emphasis on the hard working) and at the end of each day to feel a satisfaction?

Life is messy, and hard, and at time so sad and lonely, and painful but there is a worth to life, a Satisfaction that must be earned.

Let’s take a huge load of our children’s minds. It’s okay to be sad, mad, even glad. Let them know LIFE IS HARD, but can be rewarding instead of setting up an illusion called Happiness. And rewards must be earned.

What if Happiness exists as a by-product of this thing called LIFE?

Why Aging is Exactly Like a Leaky Roof 7/366

I think of myself as a healthy person.  Oh sure I am not without ‘condition’ as it were.  But I think that as long as the affliction is manageable then it means I am in good health.

Imagine my surprise yesterday when I went for a ‘follow up appointment’

Doc says, How are you?

I reply, I am great!  I feel good.

Doc says, Well there are a couple of things I want to discuss with you regarding your bloodwork.

Now keep in mind that when I was terribly ill for over a year every bit of blood work came back perfectly normal.

Well it appears my cholesterol is high.  I have been eternally proud of my cholesterol and my bone density.  They were what convinced me I am far younger than anyone knows.

I resisted but the fact is I had to go on a statin.  But I said could I not spend a couple of months making dietary adjustment?

Doc says no.  This is absolutely necessary right now.

I say, But that is an old person’s drug and you are on it for life.

Doc looks at me like perhaps I have an age defying problem.  Me? Never!  I just don’t think I am truly  as old as the people I grew up with.

Anyway, must head off to see our favorite aunt.

Oh the point is, as we age, we cannot be fixed so easily. No new roof to prevent the leaks, so all we can do is scatter pails, buckets (medications) to address each no leak as it happens.