Dating by the light…

Brad Pitt’s character, John Smith, in the movie Mr. & Mrs. Smith, says – ‘I guess that’s what happens at the end, you start thinking about the beginning.’

This soft of thinking occurs at times of contemplation, endings, and of course becomes more frequent as one ages.

Today I took a look back at my very first blog post in December 2010. Oh my. This is a post about my newly started beginning in on line dating. Nine years ago. In that time many things have come and gone, including on line anything (except for the odd shopping *for things not people!).

But it was a fun and interesting time and worth the look back.

Ladies and Gentlemen and the politically correct, everyone else I present an amusing peek at….Dating by the light….

*Interestingly one of the people who ‘liked’ this was someone who has become a dear friend with whom I now FaceTime weekly at least and is now a Sister of Choice.

via Dating by the light…

Caveat Emptor * Latin for Let the buyer beware

 

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming?” –Peter Pan. 

Now for Tinkerbell, that line and the one that followed, dealt with eternal love and waiting.  But the line resonates with me because I find that exact place to be filled with a diamond mind of creative thoughts.  If you lie very very still, not even opening your eyes or stirring a muscle, and just be aware you find yourself in a true wonderland of thought, experience, memory, and joy.  Until of course the need for morning ablutions inserts itself and poof!  Gone.  And you can’t get it back by napping later.  I’ve tried.  It seems it only happens with any depth after a full night’s sleep.

So what does this have to do with buying anything and being aware you ask?  Of course you ask.  It is perfectly logical to do so.

Well this morning one of my gently floating thoughts was about on-line dating.  I know, I know, – what does on-line dating have to do with buying or being aware?

Everything to do with social media in this day and age is all about buying.  It’s no longer a case of walking to the store, choosing a product, paying money and thereby buying something.

In the old days, and I mean long, long, absolute decades before my time, but since the beginning of time, the world has had its dose of shysters; those who sold goods or tales to reap profits but were disreputable, unethical, unscrupulous, thieves of hearts and money, users of the frail.  Back then, if you lived in a one horse town you may never have come across a true scoundrel, unless it was the fellow making the rounds selling coca cola, or snake oil for medicinal purposes.  Most folk probably lived scoundrel free unless they set out for the big city to make a new life.

I had my time of on-line dating and met some nice fellas.  I have a ridiculous sense of humor so it was amusing to me when I met a scoundrel and there were quite a few.

Well, social media has given birth not only to instant information but to the proliferation of scoundrels, otherwise known as snakes, dogs, (no insult to canines intended), scum etc etc.  You get the idea.

Every day there are reports about people being taken.  The primary targets are women who are alone, lonely (of any age), seniors (the true innocents of the information age), and any target of any age or gender.  Therefore, EVERYONE. (don’t even get me started on sexual predators! AKA Beasts of Satan)

Remember when PHISHING  became big news?  It may not be front page news anymore because it is so common place.

So I decided to make a list of On-line dating scams we have all heard about but are not necessarily AWARE of.  The word ‘aware’ is such an important one.

Scammers or more accurately SCUMmers know how to play the heart strings of even the most level headed business people. (and yes it happens to men too.)  Catfishing is a term you will want to look up and get real familiar with.

BEWARE

1. The profile on the dating site is false. In my own experience the picture is of someone who is just too good looking. You know the picture in the wallet that you buy in Walmart good looking. The information they give may not be consistent with their claims, either education mismatches with grammar etc.
2. They often have impressive titles. I have been contacted by Generals (military – and General seems to be the fave designation, in my experience. Doctors, scientists, diamond agents stuck in Nairobi or Kenya, or Uganda.
3. Scummers express real strong emotions real fast. Honey, darling, sweetheart, are frequent terms.
4. Scummers often portray themselves as younger and target women in their fifties and sixties, whom they see as richer and more vulnerable.
5. Scummers often want you to meet them on a more personal site, such as messenger, a private site, or email and sometimes phone.
6. In my own experience they are always in another place such as Africa (Nigeria is especially popular), Australia, Asia etc. usually working there and setting up the scene for some tragedy to strike.
7. They may even send you gifts, though that never happened to me.
8. Christian sites are also especially vulnerable.
9. Eventually they make ask to send money or articles to you and have you send said items on. THIS IS ILLEGAL AND NEVER DO IT.
10. They may say they will send you money or other items of value but say they need your money to cover fees or taxes.
11. A favorite is to tell you their tools of trade, or their credit cards were stolen and if you would please send some money for immediate relief they will repay you.
12. THE VERY WORST OF THEM MAY TRY TO LURE YOU OVERSEAS OR AWAY FROM HOME.
13. Once they ask for money, and you do not respond quickly their pleas will become more desperate and persistent.
14. DO NOT EVER SHARE PHOTOS, ADDRESSES, OR PERSONAL INFORMATION. And remember if you have ‘location’ turned on your phone or computer they can find your exact location.

IF YOU HAVE ALREADY GIVEN INFORMATION OUT THAT PUTS YOU AT RISK, ESPECIALLY BANK INFORMATION, GET OVER ANY EMBARRASSMENT AND CONTACT YOUR BANK IMMEDIATELY.

 The attempts to scam were amusing for me, and I once had two separate men I communicated with who both surprisingly were in the diamond industry, in Africa (I don’t remember where exactly now), who surprisingly suddenly were in difficult straits and needed my assistance in the form of money.  I messaged both and said how horrible, and how amazing I knew 2 men in such a situation, and for both of them to send me their coordinates and I would send a helicopter to get them away.

In other situations when my loving suitor became distraught at his sudden financial situation I messaged to say I was certain he was the victim of thieves and scoundrels and that on his behalf I had already contacted the police with his information.  So long sucker.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE – IN SPITE OF MOMENTS OF LEVITY IN THIS ARTICLE – BE SAFE.  KEEP YOUR HEART AND WALLET SAFE.  DO NOT LET LONELINESS OR DESIRE OR PERCEPTION OF LOVE AND ADORATION MAKE YOU VULNERABLE.

AND DO NOT BE EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK UP. 

ON-LINE DATING ABUSE IS JUST RAPE IN ANOTHER FORM.

On a Much Lighter Note..Mama Kat’s First Slow Dance With a Boy

Thank Goodness for Mama Kat and her Thursday blog challenge. This week’s prompts:

2.) Tell us about your song.
4.) Slow dancing with boys…talk about one of your first school dance experiences.

It’s a two for one kind of deal!

Once upon a time, long long ago, say around 1959, my public school, J. F. Carmichael held a dance every second Friday in the evening. It was called Club 87 as it was only open to these two grades. Our parents took turns chaperoning the event which from time to time could be embarrassing if they tried to actually dance because not one of us could imagine people that ancient actually dancing.

Not exactly how it was but...

Now the interesting thing about our age group is that many of the girls were taller than the boys who had not yet reached their growth spurt. If you ever saw the movie Grease (and I hope all have) there is a dance scene in the gym where the girls line up on one side and the boys on the other each group getting support from their peers, girls tapping their feet and boys shuffling theirs and doing their best to appear manly in dress slacks and ties. All being very shy and all shucks about it.

I don’t even remember his name but he was dashing in his slicked dark slicked back hair. As we danced in proper form he drew me closer and his head was at the level of my mouth. Turning his head I got a mouthful of Brylcreem as I was about to speak. Brlycreem..a little dab’l do ya…so the advert went but in his desire for the ultimate cool he had used way more than that little dab.

A small matter because the song they were playing was Paul Anka‘s ‘Put Your Head on My Shoulder‘. Well at least he could put his head on mine.  And it was perfect.

It doesn’t matter where I am, if I hear that song I am immediately transported back to that gym and my first slow dance with Mr. Brylcreem…..sigh.  It was wonderful.

hmmm I was taller he was shorter

PAUL ANKA
“Put Your Head On My Shoulder”

 

Put your head on my shoulder
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight
Show me that you love me too

Put your lips next to mine, dear
Won’t you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss goodnight, maybe
You and I will fall in love
(You and I will fall in love)

People say that love’s a game
A game you just can’t win
If there’s a way
I’ll find it someday
And then this fool with rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear
Tell me, tell me that you love me too
(Tell me that you love me too)

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear, baby
Put your head on my shoulder

 

Thank you Photobucket.

Headlines – “J.K. Rowling thinks of Harry Potter series as an ex-lover.”

JK hearts HP

“J.K. Rowling thinks of Harry Potter series as an ex-lover.”
 
“J.K. Rowling has just announced plans to launch a new interactive website Pottermore and she admitted working on site was like “casually dating” a former lover.”
 
This was reported on CTV this weekend and is probably one of the best attention getting lines I have seen for awhile. I miss the drama of good headlines and the only attempts today seem to be mags like the Enquirer and those we distrust as the lure is usually entirely fake to induce you to purchase said mag.
 
Okay, OneStop news may have the idea with today’s headline –http://onestop-news.com/june-27-2011-large-asteroid-approach-earth/925273.html/
But that too proves just a lure since it is 17,700 km away which seems very far away but in the world heavenly bodies it is really close, so I guess it is lure with substance.
 
That’s what I am talking about- Lure with Substance’. If you are going to reel me in let it at least be for a feast not just a fish sandwich.
 
When did we lose the drama of headlines that promise and then deliver? For that matter when did we lose the romance of words? As a child when I read The Greats I treasured each rambling descriptive phrase that evoked passion. Then writing took a turn for “cleaner” which doesn’t take away from a great story but it does absent ‘the flourish’, at least in my mind.
 
The one place where the drama for headlines does flourish is at WordPress.com and I’m loving it!
 
Just a few:
Who couldn’t love-
1) Break ins, Burglaries and Butterscotch Ice Cream. http://mjcache.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/break-ins-burglaries-and-butterscotch-ice-cream/
Just Freshly Pressed!
 
2) My Meeting With an Angelic Serial Killer http://thedomesticfringe.com/#!/entry/6247
 
3). Little Lamb, Mary reunite after falling out http://cassiebehle.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/262/
 
4). The Innocent Tunnel.
http://sumpix.wordpress.com/2011/06/26/the-innocent-tunnel/
 
5) Hurdling Down the Hozu-gawa River- Grandmama and Offspring In Tow
http://amblerangel.wordpress.com/2011/06/25/hurdling-down-the-hozu-gawa-river-grandmama-and-offspring-in-tow/
 
I could list forever but you know what I mean!

My Son My Speech

I am trying so hard not to share every little thing about our own personal Royal Wedding, but here is just one more. I must admit to more sentiment than humor in this one but hope you will give it a look because it is just a tiny look at one man’s life. This is my speech at the Wedding.

My Son
Before R was born we dallied with a number of names looking for just the right moniker. His dad called from the ER one evening to say a little boy had been brought in with red hair and blue eyes and his name was R. Just that easily our baby ..if a boy..had a name.

From birth he brought lightness, joy and an amazing skill with people. Naturally, balanced with that, came stubbornness and tenacity.

R marched to a different drummer with his first steps and to this day he often seems genuinely surprised that the universe actually may have it’s own drummer .

WE, all of us here, have a drummer of some sort to keep our rhythm of life.
R is one of those rare souls that has a whole marching band.

This is the stuff the shakers and the makers of the world are made of. This is the stuff of an incredible man, my son.

So my son, This is you

2 years old….
R don’t run with a stick in your mouth
R don’t run with That stick in your mouth
R get in the car we are going to emerge

3 years old.
Ryan go play Mommy’s doing laundry
“Drink Mommy”
Ryan that is bleach!!
Hello…poison control…this Mrs B
R get in the car we are going to emerge

R it’s okay if you do not eat dinner but you get nothing more til breakfast
“Drink mommy”
Hello poison control..this is Mrs. B. R drank my Lemon Up hair conditioner
R get in the car we are going to emerge

Hello poison control?
Hello Mrs. B what did R take this time.?

His Generous Nature

R was in hospital for a couple of days. Breakfast came the next morning. The little girl in the crib next to him did not get breakfast. R crawled out of crib, into hers and gave her an orange.
A sign of his generosity.
Nurse…”Chris, R gave the little girl next to him an orange..we had to cancel her surgery.”

One snowy Thanksgiving Day R came home for dinner. He was living in Simcoe and was glad for the left overs I sent with him. When I called the next day I asked if he enjoyed the food. He said, “Mom last night I looked outside and saw a homeless man in a doorway so I gave him sandwich and soup,and gave him my blanket. He was asleep so I covered him up put the food beside him.”

People Skills and instilling confidence..
Eunice…you know Chris. I was nervous about letting the boys go canoeing..but R reassured me that he is an expert canoeist.
Me ….Eunice..R has never been in a canoe before

Val…Chris. I don’t let Andrea go out in cars with kids but I always know she is safe with R driving
Me..Val, R does not have a drivers license

Sincerity
R has an amazing group of friends, a band of brothers of substance, talent and great humor. This is one of the rewards that life has brought this man of strong moral fiber.

And then a few years ago came a young woman who first said to me…R makes me laugh!
And over the years I have seen them laugh, work, and struggle and survive and grow.
Last night my son said to me, “Mom I’m sorry it has taken me so many years to marry but I had to wait until she was ready. And if I had to I would have waited forever”

Oh yeah and if I come across my other son’s speech from his wedding I will share it…cross dressing, pyromania all at the age of 2 and a loving heart!

Great time at the WEDDING..and

And…

Will catch up on my daily posts…does 3 in one day count? As catch up? The wedding was great..and OMG have so much to tell you..not the least of which was how lovely the MOG – mother of the groom was..c’est moi!

The chef alone was out of this world..and will do a blog just on him with an interview of this incredible man..and it doesn’t hurt that he is totally hot. Okay getting a grip on myself here…What was the funniest thing..what was the best thing..were the kilts au natural…of course…what was the worst thing? What was it like staying in one of Toronto’s oldest hotels?

And what of the directors and producers present? Did I, in the throes of wine dance joie de vivre help or hinder?I cannot wait to find out…oh my….
Chris

Observations on Men and Dating

Observations on Men and Dating

It’s taken me awhile to decide to write this particular blog.  Partly because no matter how hard I try to avoid saying something negative about people, it cannot be avoided, and partly because even in this ‘modern’ age, there is still a perception out there about women who ‘date’.

When you think about it though, if one is single for a number of years there is going to be a history of men, or whatever your particular gender preference is.  For me it happens to be men.  

Basics to remember please:
From a man’s view point I am sure each observation  can apply equally to women. 
No matter how much discretion one uses in choosing to date,  over a number of years the total cannot help but look like you have been through an army, battalion, fleet, (description of your choosing), of said males.  I mean it ‘looks’ like that but in fact is not.
There are obviously millions/billions who have dated and found suitable mates.
Dating for me does not necessarily mean going to bed with.  This is a salient point to remember as in today’s world one so often equals the other and I am sure for many, dating is synonymous with sex.  Sex seems to have become a social activity not much different than going bowling (point of clarification-I don’t bowl).  It has become a sport not an intimate decision based on mutual attraction and respect.

Why date?  
Truthfully I have single women friends who do not date by choice. Each of them has had one great love, or in some cases one disastrous marriage, or are nuns, and that is enough.
For me I suppose I continue to look for The One. No not Neo.(matrix – the one ? haha).  But if you ask me outright, or if I ask myself outright, I will say I am happy with my life.  It’s pretty perfect as it is.  Which means I still ask my self the question without any brilliant answers.  Short answer- I don’t know.
I do know over the years I have met some incredible wonderful people who to this day, I consider friends. I have met some who were characters and sources of ongoing humor…remember Eyore? Some were just plain nice.

Sources of dates
It used to be just meeting someone in person, paths crossing, chatting, dating.  When I first made the choice, quite consciously, after a few years, to date, I mentioned it at work.  I think I would like to find a man to go to the movies with said I.  It was more a thought that found my outside voice.  
Immediately, and I swear, in the true blink of an eye, our office quiet little bunny springs to my side and whispers in my ear, “You need to go on Plenty of Fish.”
I had never heard of POF or dating sites in general.  How unhip of me.  She then took over my computer, and in the office, the workplace, contravening every company policy signed me up.  I did not even have time to think.  
“Now you have to say something about yourself,” she said typing God knows what.
  “Er. I don’t know what to say.”
“Never mind, I”ll just put that you like to have fun.  It works for me every time.”
Being naive and totally ignorant of the unspoken rules I did not know that statement equals…Hey boys come get it!

The next morning I checked my email as usual.  There were pages of messages from men!  Wow this was like shopping on line!  Some were terrible come ons but some came across quite interesting and decent sounding.  So for the next few weeks I met men and it was fun.  I was lucky as my first foray turned up quite decent chaps.  I did change my profile as they were kind enough to tell me what ‘likes to have fun’ means.

Dating has changed and this is where the observations come in.
Younger men…read forties and early fifties here,  yes to your question,  were and are the most respectful, fun and genuine.  Some remain friends.
Men, most not all, my age…read 60 plus here, were and continue to be stuck back in high school, trying to ‘get somewhere fast’.  They persist in believing that if they take a woman out, even if she pays equally, they should get reimbursed.  And they can be quite vocal regarding this expectation.  It’s like they are sixteen in living in their grandpa’s bodies.
Some have taken life’s experiences and made it part of their personal growth.
Too many are like Eyore from my post on Dating by the Light..
There is a lot of hurt out there that remains unresolved.  Bitterness nurtured by constant replay.
Men may genuinely feel their intentions are honorable, but that perception can be a little skewed.
Men, some, lie, whether to themselves or their date.  I carried on months of emails with one chap, retired professional who had sent me a pic stating it was taken about four years previous.  When I finally decided to meet him he was like MY grandpa!  The pic was probably fourteen or forty years ago.  His first words on meeting face to face were…I GOTTA PEE LIKE A RACE HORSE!
Men, most, persist in accounting for every woman they ever dated.  This is a bad sign, and worse *take this seriously, ANY man who bad mouths previous relationships has established a negative permanent opinion of women in general. Run – don’t walk to the nearest exit.
Men like women are just trying to find their way through the whole dating thing.  They are just as unsure of themselves, lonely and seeking something.  Like women they don’t always know what that is.

Maybe we all just need to take up bowling.

P.S.  Some of you special friends and you know who you are, are going to ask what my current status is on dating.  I still date now and then but not a lot.  Frankly the thrill of dressing up, being perpetually interested, keeping an on going spotless home, and reporting to my guardian friends has become tiresome.  Although last night I did have a date with a charming older man, whose only fault I noted was his anger at not being invited up after.  The end! Of that one anyway.

Crushing on..and on..and..

Crushing On and on and on and……

A boy you had a crush on..and where is he now?  From Mama Kat weekly challenge.

Well the title says it all pretty much.  I am a crusher.  Falling madly and deeply for ever, or til the end, which ever comes first.  I do believe that earlier crushes stay with us, probably because of the purity of the young.

My very first love was Keith Evans who lived next door.  He was six and I had just turned five.  Of course it was an unrequited love as he had more important issues, like sports, hanging with the guys, being all macho like.  I doubt he was aware of my adulation and I mostly gazed from afar as he was friends with my brothers.  Dark hair, cute face – just perfect- having met my short list of requirements which included proximity.  

I was set to start kindergarten that Sept and imagine my surprise when our mothers arranged for him to walk me to school on that first day.  Mom gave him a letter I had to take to the school and he manfully put it in his coat pocket to give to the principal.  Walking beside him I felt like the luckiest girl in the world so I found myself strutting enjoying the fact that I was with a prince.  Of course it was only for the first day.  After that I was on my own.  He returned to the mass of developing testosterone that defined my brother’s world.   But it was a moment.

Then soon after he moved away.  Well just not him, the whole family.

  I missed him about five minutes because a new family moved in, and my attention diverted on a dime to Ronnie Ahrens.  Again it was unnoticed and unrequited. But now hehe I was older so tried to fit into their world, still on the outskirts but started to get involved in their games.  Always the last chosen for baseball teams,…,me not him..probably because I ran from every ball that flew my way… and was made to wait in the ice rink side for hockey. 

I even forced myself to jump off the high diving board, one summer to impress him and scared myself half to death but once up there nothing would make me turn around and crawl down those steps.  I have no idea if he even noticed as I was busy preparing myself to meet my maker. Oh and it was a fine display of a belly flop so I felt the pain much longer than the fear of heights.

There was one god like creature who lived at the end of the street.  His sister was my friend Mary.  First off he would actually talk to me as his straddled his bike…Mr. Cool.  He was blond, blue eyed, lean, athletic and he had the first pair of white bucks in the neighborhood.  For those of you not sure of the immense impact white bucks had you will have to google them and Pat Boone.

Perfection I tell you! Just getting all warm just thinking of..wait for the heavenly music,,,tada….Peter Lang!  Even his name was perfect.  This crush lasted a long long time.

I got up the nerve to ask him to my grade eight Sadie Hawkins dance which he accepted…I think cause his mom made him…and I was so nervous I have no idea what he thought of it, and never will know thank goodness.

The funny thing is that when I was in high school he started asking me out.  A lot.  But I was going steady and having been raised right ..you know, morals and everything, I could not accept.  A few years later he was getting ready to go off teaching and me to nursing when we ran into each other, back on our home street.  I was getting married…he was getting married..but not to each other….sigh!

Within two years both our well thought out marriages failed and we each moved onto other spouses and had families.   I saw him only once after that, in a park, each of us with spouse and children.

And that was the last I saw of him.  I heard he had moved up north some where.  But now and then my mind wanders………and somewhere in the back of that thought, Pat Boone croons and I stand there..this geeky kid..I swoon!

One Third – 33 1/3% Not quite half full or half empty…

One Third -331/3% – Not quite a half full or half empty glass..

Full? Empty? Half? Third?

 

Jackie from Twist365…http://thejackieblog.com/2011/05/01/one-third-celebration/#respond pointed out in her blog today, that we postadayers are now one third along in our quest. What quest is that you ask, conveniently?
 
Why …THE QUEST! – our sacred mission, to bring to your eyes, minds and hearts and possibly nightmares, unsolicited declarations of our wit, our intelligence, our hopes, our fears, our skeletons, our not so hidden sins, our crimes against humanity, our Joan of Arc martyrdom of it all, our heroism, our cowardice, our illusions, our delusions. Our SELVES!
 
Yes and you get it everyday, without fail. For we are
THE POSTADAY2011 Squadron! You lucky lucky lucky readers,
 
Inner Voice: Get of the soapbox Chris…calm yourself…take a deep breath..and get it done!
 
K, so the idea is to post your own three favorites of the first third. This is really tough for me as I crack myself up regularly, rolling on the floor at my own genius. Or I do a sentimental piece that mercilessly decimates the gate keepers of my tear ducts and opens the dam for a satisfying, cleansing, good for the complexion, old fashioned cry.
 
Nuff said..now to list three and only three…nuts.
 
Humor on Dating….not always funny but thought provoking..no it is almost always funny.
 https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/dating-by-the-light/
 
Childhood Memories and Lessons
https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/the-house-that-built-me/
 
Humor on Sizing Matters Up
https://bridgesburning.wordpress.com/2011/03/31/size-does-matter/
 
You can figure out my dilemma can’t you? Now I have written these down, they are no longer my favorites. But if I picked something else, these would again turn into favs because I did not choose them.