Judge not…

The path to self-improvement, self-awareness, or whatever you want to call it is rocky, winding, convoluted, strewn with obstructions (I suspect of our own making), and littered with shiny objects designed to distract us, and keep us from reaching truth.  I don’t know why it is this way.  I just think it is.

For truth is where improvement lies.  And of course you all know by now what I think of truth.  It like ‘fact’ is merely a perception.  So is truth that personal a thing?  Truth or the perception of truth is so personal that it can only be my truth, and not necessarily your truth?

I am seventy-one and no closer to wisdom than the day I was born.  Is truth wisdom? Or does wisdom lead us to truth?  I think of these things every time I learn something new about myself.

Recently I discovered that under the guise of love I have been judgmental.  Judging the actions of those I love, but not realizing it was judging, rather thinking it was love mixed with ennui and fear?

How did this epiphany occur?  By discovering that those who love me (give your head a shake if necessary, I am not talking about romantic love) have in fact been judging me.  This all came about because of a decision I made about something, that, while it did not impact my nearest and dearest caused them to make a judgement. About me.  “Well she shouldn’t have done that.”

When this came to me through a conversation designed to explain concern my initial reaction was, “??”

I mentally objected that my nearest and dearest were judging me.  There is no question that they love me.  And they think their concern is in my best interest.

That’s when it hit me.  The awareness really had nothing to do with them but it acted like a mirror.  That’s when I realized that I sat in judgement of those I loved.  It did not change my love for them.  But I discovered a few uncomfortable things:

1. When you sit in judgement of anyone, you place yourself above them.
2. You may think you are loving them, but when you judge, that is not love. It is judgement.
3. To truly love you must not judge but must accept. Right or wrong you accept.
4. Your love provides a safe place. You are the rock.
5. We are all human. We make the worst decisions at times.  And at those times those who love us never stop.
6. There are no conditions to love. (If you do this and don’t do this I will love you)

The most difficult thing is to realize that no matter how old you are there are always lessons to learn.  And even more humiliating is the realization that so many others recognize the Truth long before you.

I know one thing;

I will never again judge those as right or wrong, those whom I love.

This is not about me.

No one’s life is perfect. No one life is perfect.

You know me and how much I love those early mornings between wake and sleep when wisdom visits me for such a short time.  Once I stir so much as a finger the thought dissipates like a fart in the wind. (Sorry I can think of no quicker dissipation to compare it to).  Except for this one occasion it seems to be the only time actual purity  and brilliance present themselves to me.

This morning’s thought was accompanied by a wave of compassion.  I like those  best.  I am pretty sure the thought was clearly, ‘No one’s life is perfect. Be Compassionate’.  But then I got waylaid wondering if the thought should have been or actually was, ‘No one life is perfect.’

What a silly self argument.  Is there really a difference?  I suppose the second statement might indicate that if No ONE life is perfect there may exist perfection in more than one life. Good grief Chris, (I say to myself), STOP already.

The point is that the immediate thought brought a feeling I can only describe as compassion and warmth.  Now again I had to ask myself why is this pertinent?

It didn’t take long to see how we misrepresent our lives on social media AND how much we as the public buy into it.  Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google+, and many many more, all smiles, all perfection, all joy.

Now please don’t think for one moment I believe people should post THE TRUTH.  No chance in hell.  There is sufficient whining, sniveling, and pain driven expression in this world.  Much of it is educational and needs to be out there. But no one needs to know every worry and angst I have.  My point is that perfect joy and perfect families and perfect whatever looks nice for the moment and the cycle of life means there is no static perfection.  There is a time for everything under heaven…oops a song is coming on…

from They Byrds which came out in 1965

The Byrds – Turn! Turn! Turn! Lyrics

To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to be born, a time to die.
A time to plant, a time to reap.
A time to kill, a time to heal.
A time to laugh, a time to weep.To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to build up, a time to break down.
A time to dance, a time to mourn.
A time to cast away stones.
A time to gather stones together.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time of love, a time of hate.
A time of war, a time of peace.
A time you may embrace.
A time to refrain from embracing.

To everything, turn, turn, turn.
There is a season, turn, turn, turn.
And a time to every purpose under heaven.
A time to gain, a time to lose.

Yes millennials there was a 1965, and wisdom in music, and a time for everything.

I don’t mean to imply that every youth believes everyone is happy, is photo touch up perfect but there are enough people who take what they see as fact and this leads to a whole bunch of feelings; of inadequacy about ‘why isn’t my life perfect, why I can post the same kind of photos but they aren’t true to my life so I feel like an impostor, a liar.  People are buying into big lies about perfection that make the olden days concerns about young girls feeling inadequate in comparing themselves to magazine models.

Trump may be master of ‘alternative facts’, but social media has taken alternative facts about our very selves and created a falsehood about who we actually are, who we appear to be and who we think everyone else is.

We need to give ourselves a universal head shake, because our reality is what we make it and oh my there is a public force out there making us believe a new reality based on inadequacy.

OH! Back to the original point.  Be compassionate with others.  You have no idea the crosses……… A little kindness goes a long way.

Today

Today is mine.  If I live in the shadows of others it is my choice. But today the sun shines and I live in the purity of self, hoping days end will show Grace, Kindness, and Love, Creativity and Generosity. (I do so hate those ending in sloth, laziness, neglect, and ignorance – you know – most days 😕 😁 )

Sometimes what you need is right there….

Poems speak to one in many ways; rhythm, meaning, metaphor, reality.  They can be soft and soothing, or hard and brutal, warm or cold, nurturing or ball busting.

Joss Burnel, an expat living and writing in Cuenca, Equador, has written many a poetic word.

One in particular caught my eye yesterday and moved my spirit.

Now I can explain about my Thursday evening meetings with my international group of three,  in which every possible topic is discussed including what we are writing, and reading, and commenting on the world at large.  We started as bloggers six or seven years ago, then emailing, and now using Skype world wide.

Me in South Western, Ontario, Canada, Joss in Cuenca, Equador, and Judith Baxter in Wellington, New Zealand.

I am the one in the white robe stoically fighting a cold. (and if you think it did not take a considerable degree of bravery to post such a photo, you would be wrong.  I swear I do look better most days.  Honest..)  Judith is beside me and Joss above.

One of my favorite blogs Judith introduced me to Routine Matters who you can find here and who posted on Inklings.  Reading this will give you an idea about we three, but on a much different level.

OH! Back to the poem.  It perfectly reflects my thoughts this week and with Joss’ permission I present it to you now. (Highlighting is mine)

When you let go
of the fear,
the worry and
anxiety…

When you stop
the should,
didn’t, can’t
and sorry train…

When you accept
that what is
done is done,
what happened,
happened…

When you live
this day in
its entirety,
this moment
as the only
one that
matters – that
is real…

When you allow
your precious
self to be
fully human,
completely
still
and okay…

Then, the beauty
of today finds you
and brings you
to this
only moment…

Then your breath
is allowed
to be deep
and to resonate
with your
true heart…

Then, your
mind begins
to relax and
let go of terror…

Then, your
heart whispers
here is the truth
you are
seeking…

Then you know
that there is
life beyond the
worry and anxiety,
filled with beauty
and wisdom,
and that, truly,
all is well
and grace beyond
measure moves
you forward.

~Joss Burnel / 2012

FITFS Our Soul Dipper Amy

Amy Nora Doyle. is how she signed off her About page but we mostly just know her as Amy.

Soul Dipper and Spirit Builder by Design.  When I write these few words I feel the completeness of Amy and her world.  However for any of you who are not familiar with her, please allow me to lead you.

On January 9, 2010 Amy took to the written word and the last words of that post are:

Embrace your highest source of power and love.  Focus on it; carry it with all your being.  With that power, no matter what life puts in your path, there you will stand – strong in the face of adversity.  And that is called SOUL.

We fuss and worry and scoot along our lives regretting the past sometimes and fearing the future, when there is an opportunity to embrace our strength, our power, our love, that will allow us to weather what comes.

Understanding does not depend upon, nor does it denigrate any religion, or belief systems.  It is a message of love.

It matters not whether you choose to believe, visiting Soul Dipper is always a peaceful experience.

Amy lives in one of the most beautiful parts of Canada.  I spent some time there a few years ago…long before I found the Blogosphere and all my dear ones in it and the near by ocean and beautiful trees vie for beauty in the gentlest rains I have ever seen.

We give celebration to the important things in our lives, as you know, I do this each Friday by honoring my own list of heroes one at a time.  These are all people worthy of FITFS – Following in The FootSteps – for me and while I cannot ‘become’ I can try to emulate them in some way.

Soul Dipper is not at all ever serious or encumbered by weighty soul sucking problems, she is funny as in her post on The Secret to Why Men Don’t Ask for Directions  or it can be about  a fab dinner.  Well I could go on and on but that would be just replicating or trying to replicate the perfection of what is.

Please do stop by, say hi, and allow yourself a moment of peace.

 

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Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?

Will you still need me; will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?

When The Beatles first sang this song in 1967 I was young enough that 35 seemed very old and the thought of ever turning 64 seemed pretty much impossible.  I just didn’t give it much thought.  Well sixty-four now passed me by.

I’ve been musing a lot lately; thinking, considering, evaluating, contemplating.  Probably because I am about to enter my sixty-fifth year and it is a new frontier.  Neither of my folks reached this age and I am the oldest of my siblings and most of my cousins.  I know, I know.  Many of you are saying 65 is not old and I keep hearing things like, ‘sixty is the new forty.’  Well, I remember forty and no it isn’t quite.  The spirit is willing, and there are many things I do that make me feel pretty good, pretty healthy, pretty young, but the song I most identify with is Toby Keith’s ‘As Good As I Once Was’.

‘I ain’t as good as I once was

But I’m as good once as I ever was.’

The most interesting thing to have happened this past week in talking to my friends/family about my party on Friday is that I don’t want any gifts because….and this is the most exciting part…I suddenly realized that there is nothing on this earth that I need or want.

This doesn’t mean that I have everything – it means I am happy, content and satisfied.

I went outside for my usual evening outing to look at the sky last night and on spying the first star I began my little ‘Star light, Star bright, grant the wish I wish tonight’ and stopped just as I started with the realization that I do not have anything to wish for.  And then the epiphany – I am happier right now than I have ever been in my life.  The knowledge came to me quite suddenly and without much ado – it just sort of is.

I still have mountains to climb, dreams to fulfill, stories to create, but I also have happiness, contentment, and gratitude.

I guess as I finish writing this I realize there is a wish I will make on tonight’s star, and that is that every one of you will find this same happiness.

I am fortunate to have people who love me – in spite of myself (I have marveled at that before) and if I have one particular goal this year it will be to let all of them know how much they mean to me.

Who knew?    I do know that this is already the best birthday of my life.

I Asked For Wisdom

I asked for wisdom and got it and found it is painful to be so wise.

I asked for strength then decided I could never have the strength I needed, so I left it to God and the Universe to be my strength.

I asked for patience and realized that all things flow in their own time and patient or not changes nothing.

I asked for independence and found value in interdependence as no one is just one.

I have gotten everything I have ever asked for and found there is truth in  ‘Be careful for what you wish’.   I wonder when it was I realized I wished for the wrong things?

And knowing the power of The Wish I hesitate in the doorway of another year afraid to get it wrong but needing to get it right.  I wonder if that indeed is wisdom?

We Are The Way We are Because That Is The Way We Expect To Be or 7 Absolutes That Are Not

We Are The Way We are Because That Is The Way We Expect To Be or 7 Absolutes That Are Not

I have been kicking this idea around in my cranium for some time, trying, as it were, to get my head around it.  I mean people keep talking about it as though the statement is self-explanatory and really it is deep, convoluted and intricate.

My blogging friend Katherine Gordy Lewis found at http://emotionalfitnesstraining.com/2011/11/28/from-the-downhill-slope-75/ addressed one of ten brain myths published by Smithsonian.com found at 

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/Top-Ten-Myths-About-the-Brain.html?c=y&page=2&device=ipad&c=y

Having read her blog and then the link, the troublesome thoughts I have about why we are the way we are resurfaced again.  It just seems to me our belief systems are screwed up because we choose to believe what others tell us.  For some reason “an official study shows” …leads to automatic acquiescence.

Now I can’t possibly ask you to automatically believe what The Smithsonian says also but do give some thought and listen to your own gut.  Maybe what we need to do is adopt a healthy old sixties questioning of everything and I mean everything.  

So what do I NOT believe?

1. Everyone needs 8 glasses of water a day?  No way – long ago disproved.

2. Hair and nails continue to grow after death?  Nope but I have a friend also a nurse who will not buy into the truth.

3.  Sugar makes kids hyper?  Disproved ages ago.  If your children misbehave and get all rangy it’s because you expect them to and children always live up to your expectations…and that is the truth!

4. Mobile phones are dangerous in hospital? Pulease!

5.  Two year olds should be in school?  A latest early education study and the public will probably let the politicians get away with it even though they have already said it will cost a fortune (which by the way was probably your formal notice on increased cost just incase you get a little irritated when they decide to up those old taxes)

6. Everyone should vote?  I believe everyone should have the right to vote but you also should have the right not to vote if you so wish.  If you have no understanding of the candidates or issues and are only going to guess, well that could be more damaging.  I do believe if you don’t vote you cannot or should not gripe about the kind of official you ended up with.

7. Bad parenting = bad children and good parenting = good children.  Let’s not confuse general rules as absolutes.

Well we are not going to hit 10 as I find making this list rather annoying and we haven’t even touched on government mind manipulation of official studies.

I think probably the biggest myth or misconception is that people we vote into power are all great minds or even average minds.

Hmm and we have not even gotten into the meat of the matter about why we are the way we are because that is the way we expect to be.

Hackers, Scams, and I Think I Love You – please send money

Hackers, Scams, and I Think I Love You – please send money

I have read a couple of blogs lately that have dealt with hackers getting into your email and or Facebook to send messages to your contacts saying they are in trouble, usually on a foreign trip and everything has been stolen and are bereft left with nothing and please send money to help them out.

That got me thinking about dating site scams I have encountered but never fell for.  Ah yes, before your brow crinkles in puzzlement and surprise, I rode that train for awhile.  Two or three yeas as I recall because it wasn’t that long ago.  Anyway I had fun and made a couple of life long friends.

The online chats were pretty good and the people for the most part were decent enough.  What I did find is that most people go on line in hopes of actually meeting someone, but then something changes.  They find a smorgasbord too tempting to resist and then end up becoming serial daters always checking out the next one just in case.

But I digress.  One chap, whose picture was nothing short of gorgeous started a chat.  How charming and refined!  Wealthy.  He lived not too far from me but not too close either.  He seemed quite content to get to know me over time.  He travelled brokering gold and diamonds and as a matter of fact happened to be in Ghana right now but was looking forward to meeting on his return.  He would recount his adventures of the day in detail.  This went on for several days and then the tone of his messages changed.  He felt in his heart and soul that we had something special.  This baffled me because I was content but harbored no great feelings for him.

Then one night he messaged that something had gone wrong with his credit card and his company was trying to get it straightened out but could I please send him money.

Well I read this to the girls in the office, more experienced than I who filled me in, as it were.  I had already told him no anyway.

Within twenty-four hours I get another email from an equally handsome chatee I had been corresponding with who guess what!- had exactly the same situation in exactly the same country.  Well what could I do?

I responded immediately to send me his exact map coordinates and I would send my private jet to retrieve him.  Then alas, I had suddenly realized my jet was on loan to our Prime Minister but I had the perfect solution.  I gave him the name of my other poor love, who happened to be in the same city.  Perhaps they could get together and figure a way out.  This particular scam is called the Nigerian/Ghana Emergency Scan.

Sadly I have to report I have met women, needy and wanting to believe someone could love them that fell for this and sent large amounts of money they could not afford.

There is a link below to an excellent site which discusses all kinds of scams.  Wouldn’t hurt to look them over.  Better to ne prepared!

http://www.onlinedatingsafetytips.com/Top10Scams.cfm

Has November 16th Ever Been So Important?

Has November 16th Ever been So Important?

I’ve heard that once in a great while miracles occur.  Tomorrow Mark  Pakulak who is, as far as I am concerned The King ( sorry Elvis) is doing a guest post…mine.  I have to admit I have no idea what this means except that Mark, Idiot as he claims to be, is recognizing me…the girl on the mountain, who just met my 10,000th hit whereas he is looking at his 2 millionth – is that a word?.  I am befuddled, astir with excitement, flushed even.

I have mentioned before how much I adore this man for his bravery and courage, and downright silly humor.  He is the Jack Benny, the Bob Hope, the Jerry Seinfeld, the Jimmy Fallon, the Jay Leno of my life.

I don’t want to seem maudlin but damn that man knows how to write and he stirs my soul as he does for so many.  He does have a harem of which I am one.

Please do me a favor folks and check into redriverpak.wordpress.com not just for my post but for the best fun you can ever have.  This guy is amazing. Now please keep in mind that I have a bet on that he will reach his 2 millionth view on March 15th..you know the Ides of March and all that so if he has not made his 2 by then please click in and help me win.  I cannot imagine being adored for one week by none other than The Idiot..so do give me a hand..