*Warning – Reading May be Hazardous to Your Health

*Warning – Reading may be Hazardous to Your Health

The results of an extensive study in The Effects of Reading on the Human Psyche and Physical Manifestations was released for the first time today on WordPress.com.  The study completed by the highly respected Ms. King has drawn some criticism from authors, teachers, preachers and Oprah.

Ms. King defends her paper, stating to this reporter that her findings are conclusive and irrefutable.  The results completed in a thirty second review during her morning coffee have shaken the academic world. W5, 60 Minutes,  and CNN are poised to take on the villain as they have confirmed the results through their own thirty second review and are horrified and ashamed that they have missed this long established travesty.

“My intensive investigation deals with only one media and not the literary world at large.”

*Reading is bad for your health when done on a regular basis and may lead to; hypertension, hypotension, not to mention distention, contention, depression, aggravation, generalization, hallucination, exacerbation, over stimulation, disinclination, palpitation, elevation, euphoria, dysphoria, anorexia and diarrhea, homicide, suicide, the upside of downside.

“The media itself is not the culprit but rather the content which produces the aforementioned afflictions.”

We can only provide a small sampling as any more will simply sicken the readers of this article.

Headline Horrors

1) eHealth Ontario doles out merit pay.  This controversial agency has had a reputation for hiring incompetence, then firing incompetence rewarding them with huge pay outs.  The province of Ontario has frozen wages for two years for the poor working souls but continues to reward “special people”.  Ontario’s deficit is $16.7 Billion dollars. 

2) Schwarzenegger Shriver Swindle.  Why are we giving these idiots any press at all?  He’s sorry – that he got caught.  She’s an idiot for tolerating it.
Edwards, Clinton, Sandford, Spitzer.  

3) Strauss-Khan fall from grace? I don’t even want to hear it. Worst case scenario he’ll sell a book and get off the hook.

4) Genetic Discrimination by insurers.  So you work hard to get a career as a chiropractor.  You need insurance because that is another rip off and the application form asks if there is any Huntington’s Disease in the family.  You don’t have it but daddy does.  Oops let’s not insure this enterprising young woman.  Seems you can only get insurance if you won’t ever need it.

5) A young girl ran as a candidate in a recent federal election.  She was a bar manager..not ballet..booze.  She never campaigns, goes off to Vegas for a vacation returns and now has a plush well paying government job.  Her riding is largely French, but she speaks no French.  She has no political experience I know. She’s in like Flint and no one knows how or why.

6) A Canadian nurse goes on line with a false identity, encourages 2 young people to commit suicide, ends up with a slap on the wrist, except for once a year on the anniversary of their death he must spend one night in jail.  Lets hope they preserve his rights so he will not be separated from his computer.

7) Running over people in Canada only costs five hundred dollars.  Yup. You pay the fine for failing to yield under The Highway Traffic Act.  You don’t go to jail and you don’t even lose your license.

So now I am off to read blogs, where humor, wit, insight, is genuine and the only antidote to reading newspapers.  

If you are a regular newspaper reader please tell me how you maintain your sanity?

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12 thoughts on “*Warning – Reading May be Hazardous to Your Health”

  1. I’m very selective of what I read… Too many negative stories out there and some are gratuitous or insulting/dismissive of others… I just don’t have enough hours in the day for all that diatribe. 🙂

  2. the list of reasons why I don’t read the paper or watch the news continues to grow ever longer.
    I do not need to know this stuff that others talk about over coffee like it happened to their neighbour down the street. Do i care that the Arnold is getting a divorce? why would I? etc etc etc.
    thanks for the giggle.

    1. Thanks Joss..and thank goodness there are giggles cause every now and then I want to go to the Man upstairs and ask why he did not give me a chance to run the world..when I asked for it…first thing…all angels in our high court..and..

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