Dating by the light..of a burning bridge
One cannot be single for a significant number of years and not have experienced dates spawned no doubt from some weird alter universe. Well that may be exaggerating just a bit. But oh my, where do they come from?
One chap whose given name will not be used, but who I called Eyore for reasons soon to be made obvious, I met on a dating site. After the initial on line chats he suggested we meet for coffee. I agreed and we set a Saturday afternoon for our first, and what became our last encounter.
Now I think the folk who work at every Williams, Second Cup,Starbucks and yes even “Timmies” suddenly have the most fun jobs in existence. Internet dating and the perfunctory first meeting have made these centers the place to be. Take the time to grab that cup of java, find somewhere to sit where you can observe the going on. Best entertainment ever. But I digress, and the whole subject is worthy of it’s own blog.
So as my car pulls up I notice a gent watching me as he is walking by. Putting on my best smile I say, Hi Eyore. Well I really called him by his proper name. Now I knew from our previous communication that he was divorced, lived the other side of TO and moved to my city to be closer to his adult children. He did not really smile, but looked like he might be trying and somehow he found that painful. As we walked into the shop I asked him how long he had lived in my city. He replied that it had been three months and moved because his children lived here.
He really should have taken some first date lessons. Any way his tale was filled with heartbreak and sorrow about the divorce and the huge cost that went with it. And I swear his voice was exactly like Eyore’s – exactly. As I listened my first thought was that this guy was not ready to date anyone yet. Except maybe a therapist. However, my heart did reach out to him. Expecting the answer to be three months, he stunned me when he groaned out, “1989”. I was shocked. Stunned even. I sat back in my booth, looked at him for a full sixty seconds trying to frame an appropriate response, when suddenly I knew I would have to be honest with this fractured soul. My voice low and even, “Are you saying that for every day for twenty-one years you have moaned and groaned and been in angst over this?
“Oh yes” he replied, “and it cost me a ton of money. And it broke my heart.”
“You do realize there are lots of people who have been through worse?” I leveled at him.
But. he would not, could not believe it. He honestly did try to smile a couple of times and it looked hideously painful.
Coffee ended and he walked me to my car saying he wanted to see me again. I mumbled, gave him a quick hug goodbye before he could lunge for a kiss. By the time I got home he had messaged me saying he could hardly wait to see me again and I was a spectacular woman. Right I thought..and your negativity would suck every joy out of my life. I never answered which begs the question, should I have told him the truth?
That was one of my first attempts in meeting someone my age. Sheesh!
bridgesburning 
am impressed with how long you’ve been blogging! you’ve got much to teach us all 🙂
this post is as relevant as ever, unfortunately, haha
I actually have quite a tight group of us that all started about the same time. Chatter Master is one as well as Darlene Foster, Judith Baxter and Joss Burnell. Judith and Joss and I Skype once a week and talk about our writing and life in general. I pretty much stopped a few years ago during a traumatic time, but a healthy move, cancer cured, lotsa support and it is time to come back. Creativity flies away in the face of hardship unlike some others who actually flourish under it. Oh My! sorry for the long response.
you’re kind to be so forthcoming – am very glad all is now well with you, dear 🙂
This was very funny and also a little bit sad. This would fit well into a short story. There was no need to improve it.
I know it was sad…the extremism of it all was funny..more strange funny than haha funny.
Thanks Darlene – my family laughs at the sad things especially when it is ourselves..our weird sense of humor and the fact that there can be so much sadness if we didn’t laugh at it we’d never laugh.
Poor guy. He needs a good therapist more than a date.
I’ve had similar Starbucks experiences though I must say I had a life-changing meeting there too! Hopefully the kids he moved closer to encouraged him into therapy because he truly needed it. I agree—he’d have sucked the joy out.
I think the staff at these cafes must have some hugely funny stories about all the people who meet there!
I was a horrible, horrible, awful, awkward dater. Thank God Tom was, too 🙂 That’s always uncomfortable when your date gets into the gory details of past failed relationships…. on the first night with a first date he hopes to start a new one with.
Well one rule I learned the hard way is that if a man complains about exes some day he will do the same to you. It sounds like you and Tom were well matched from the beginning!
LOVE the notion of “first-date lessons!” Have you done a post on that–first date lessons, that is? Bet that would be hilarious!
Hugs,
Kathy
Actually we could have fun with that. I am sure I replied to this but do not know where they go…hmmmm
Reblogged this on bridgesburning and commented:
Todays Daily Post Prompt is Hindsight and sugggests “Now that you’ve got some blogging experience under your belt, re-write your very first post.” So I took a look at December 19, 2010 and have to say since it is one of my fave stories to tell I just could not bring myself to rewrite it. Hmm now I must go and deal with the fact that in almost 2 years I have learned nada.
I think you did tell him the truth. How sad for him.