What Not To Say To Your Spouse of 45 Years

What Not To Say To Your Spouse of 45 Years

My Dad loved his movie camera and got his first one in the early sixties.  When my folks died in the early 80s I was charged with taking care of the tub of photos (none of which were identified) and the canisters of movie film.  My middle sister and her hubby borrowed those movies some years later and were given charge over their preservation which they did very well.

Then a couple of months ago they found out the movies could be professionally transferred to DVD.  This was the reason for tonights dinner party.  A set of DVDs were made for each of us, my sister prepared a feast of lasagna and Caesars salad and the rest of us brought the extras.  The dinner was a smash hit and everybody raved about the lasagna (my sister being one of the best cooks ever.)

Her husband, my brother in law, who is a great guy, wanted to jump on the praise bandwagon and began to rave on about the perfection of this particular main course and that’s when it happened.

“Honey this is the best lasagna you have ever made!”

“Well,” she said, “I decided to do it a little differently.”

“You know,” he said to the rest of us, “For forty-five years I have been eating dry lasagna and this is perfect!”

OOPS….silence…as we wait…

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT FOR FORTY-FIVE YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN EATING DRY LASAGNA!!”

We all burst out laughing but the subject came up a few  times during the rest of the viewing and I’ll betcha it will be discussed again and again and again in the next forty-five years.

A Timely Post on Political Correctness via Judith Baxter

No political correctness

Image via Wikipedia

 

My blogging friend Judith Baxter at growingyoungereachday.wordpress.com has a way with words and in light of this weeks issue of censorship I am reposting her timely message.

 

                     

 

I believe that political correctness can be a form of linguistic fascism, and it sends shivers down the spine of my generation who went to war against fascism.
P. D. James

 

Is Political Correctness as rampant where you live as it is here in Godzone/Aotearoa? We are constantly worried here in case we step on somebody’s toes or offend somebody in some way, and often it causes us to do nothing. Note – the use of the word “us” here is a generic term for both our politicians and the general hoi polloi.

 

To my mind PC as used by our politicians, the media and those who deem themselves to be in charge of our actions (and maybe even our thoughts), is tyranny. And the rationale of this tyranny? It appears to be to prevent people being offended by what is said or done; to prevent compel each of us to avoid using words that may upset others, including women, fat people, small or tall people,homosexuals, etc etc.

 

Well I would not knowingly offend any of these people but feel that this has gone too far. Political Correctness is in my view, a sophisticated form of censorship that affects all of us and creeps unasked into our lives. The values and rules of my parents’ generation appear to be thrown out with the bath water and what is moving in to take their place? Political Correctness.

 

I decided to investigate the origins or this phenomenon and see if I could find out the reason for its introduction into our lives. I found an explanation on this site. Here I read that “It was developed at the Institute for Social Research in Frankfurt, Germany, which was founded in 1923 and came to be known as the “Frankfurt School.” It was a group of thinkers who pulled together to find a solution to the biggest problem facing the implementers of communism in Russia.

 

The problem? Why wasn’t communism spreading? Their answer? Because Western Civilization was in its way.” It went on to say

 

“What was the problem with Western Civilization? Its belief in the individual, that an individual could develop valid ideas. At the root of communism was the theory that all valid ideas come from the effect of the social group of the masses. The individual is nothing.”

 

And so Political Correctness was introduced to undermine Western Civilisations’ foundations by incessantly and insidiously attacking the rights of the individuals. Well, that explains it then.

 

And today after receiving this email from a friend, I decided to air my concernsobjections about and to this trend. See what you think?

 

“There’s an annual contest at the University of Arkansas calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year’s term was: “Political Correctness.” The winning student wrote:

 

“Political correctness is a doctrine — fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rapidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media — which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a piece of shit by the clean end.”

 

Well that says it all for me anyway. What do you think?

 

“All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.”
Thomas Jefferson

 

 

 

From studerteam.blogspot via skiingmama.wordpress The Best!

Inspired by a Pin I’ve recently seen about “rules for dads with daughters,” I went searching for a similar list for moms with sons.  This search was mostly fruitless, so I was inspired to write my own Rules for Moms with Sons.  Granted, my list will not be conclusive and may not be entirely uncontroversial.  So agree, or disagree, or take with a grain of salt – but I hope to inspire other moms who are loving, and struggling, and tired, and proud, and eager to support the boys in their lives.  You are the most important woman in his life, his first teacher, and the one he will look to for permission for the rest of his life.  From “Can I go play with them?” to “Should I ask her to marry me?”  Its a big job, but as the mumma, we’re up for it.
25 Rules for Moms with Sons
Source: pre-schoolplay.blogspot.com via Tabitha on Pinterest
1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment.  He’ll cry from fear and bite out of excitement.  Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference.  Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion.  Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. Be a cheerleader for his life
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person in the stands at his t-ball games.  There is no doubt that he will tell you to “stop, mom” when you sing along to his garage band’s lyrics.  There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts.  There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you’ve been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the citizenship award he won in ninth grade.  He will tell you to stop.  He will say he’s embarrassed.  But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.
3. Teach him how to do laundry
..and load the dishwasher, and iron a shirt.  He may not always choose to do it.  He may not ever have to do it.  But someday his wife will thank you.
Source: offbeatmama.com via offbeatmama on Pinterest
4. Read to him and read with him.
Emilie Buchwald said, “Children become readers on the laps of their parents.”  Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books.  Let him see you reading…reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles.  Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever.  Writers are the transcribers of history and memories.  They keep a record of how we lived at that time; what we thought was interesting; how we spoke to each other; what was important.  And Readers help preserve and pass along those memories.
5. Encourage him to dance.
Dance, rhythm, and music are cultural universals.  No matter where you go, no matter who you meet – they have some form of the three.  It doesn’t have to be good.  Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it’s perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.
6. Make sure he has examples of good men who are powerful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity.
The examples of men with big muscles and a uniform (like Batman and LaMarr Woodley) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he also knows about men who kick a$s because of their brains (Albert Einstein), and their pen (Mark Twain), and their words (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.), and their determination (Team Hoyt), and their ideas (The Wright Brothers), and their integrity (Officer Frank Shankwitz), and fearlessness (Neil Armstrong), and their ability to keep their mouths closed when everyone else is screaming (Jackie Robinson).
7. Make sure he has examples of women who are beautiful because of their brains, their determination, and their integrity
The examples of traditionally beautiful women (like Daphne Blake, Princess Jasmine, and Britney Spears) will surround your son from birth.  But make sure he knows about women who are beautiful from the inside out because of their brains (Madame Marie Curie), and their pen (Harper Lee), and their words (Eleanor Roosevelt), and their determination (Anne Sullivan), and their ideas (Oprah Winfrey), and their integrity (Miep Gies), and fearlessness (Ameila Earhart), and their ability to open their mouths and take a stand when everyone else is silent (Aung San Suu Kyi).
8. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things.  If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything – remember this:  If you have done any of the following:  a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them (regardless if they are your own) or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering…you are a superhero.  do not doubt yourself for one second.  Seriously.
Source: simplymontessori.blogspot.com via Terry-Anne on Pinterest
9. Teach him to have manners
because its nice.  and it will make the world a little better of a place.
Source: swagbucks.com via Adriana on Pinterest
10. Give him something to believe in
Because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won’t be able to be there.  Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.
Source: theberry.com via Chris on Pinterest
11. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people’s feelings.
Source: heatherbeadles.com via Heather on Pinterest
12. Let him ruin his clothes
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes.  You’ll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don’t waste your energy being angry about something inevitable.  Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes.  Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course.
13. Learn how to throw a football
or how to use a hockey stick, or read music, or draw panda bears (or in my case alpacas), or the names of different train engines, or learn to speak Elvish, or recognize the difference between Gryffindor and Slytherin, or the lyrics to his favorite song.  Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
Source: shanna-kaye.com via Shanna-Kaye on Pinterest
14. Go outside with him
turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cellphone on the charger, even put your camera away.  Just go outside and follow him around.  Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions.  It’s like magic.
15. Let him lose
Losing sucks.  Everybody isn’t always a winner.  Even if you want to say, “You’re a winner because you tried,” don’t.  He doesn’t feel like a winner, he feels sad and crappy and disappointed.  And that’s a good thing, because sometimes life also sucks, no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not suck for our kids.  This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again, and again…..)  Instead make sure he understands that – sometimes you win – sometimes you lose.  But that doesn’t mean you ever give up.
Source: None via Emma on Pinterest
16. Give him opportunities to help others
There is a big difference in giving someone the opportunity to help and forcing someone to help.  Giving the opportunity lights a flame in the heart and once the help is done the flame shines brighter and asks for more opportunities.  Be an example of helping others in your own actions and the way your family helps each other and helps others together.
Source: data.whicdn.com via Meagan on Pinterest
17. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn’t just apply to performance-based activities (like sports and music) but also applies to everything in life.  You become a better writer by writing.  You become a better listener by listening.  You become better speaker by speaking.  Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand (that means from birth, folks – they are making sense of the world as soon as they arrive), practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing.  Practice how you will walk through airport security before a trip.  Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier.  Practice, practice, practice.
18. Answer him when he asks, “Why?”
Answer him, or search for the answer together.  Show him the places to look for the answers (like his dad, or grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches).  Pose the question to him so he can begin thinking about answers himself.  Someday, when he needs to ask questions he’s too embarrassed to ask you – he’ll know where to go to find the right answers.
Source: 1.bp.blogspot.com via Maegan on Pinterest
19. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
especially the wipes.
Source: babyhold.com via Katie on Pinterest
20. Let his dad teach him how to do things
…without interrupting about how to do it the ‘right way.’  If you let his dad show and teach and discover with your son while he is growing up, some day down the road (after a short period of your son believing his dad knows nothing), he will come to the realization that his dad knows everything.  You will always be his mother, but in his grown-up man heart and mind, his dad will know the answers.  And this will be how, when your son is too busy with life to call and chat with his mom,  you will stay connected to what is happening in his life.  Because he will call his dad for answers, and his dad will secretly come and ask you.
Source: familyfun.go.com via Kate on Pinterest
21. Give him something to release his energy
drums, a pen, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog.  Give him something to go crazy with – or he will use your stuff.  and then you’ll be sorry.
Source: bleubirdvintage.typepad.com via Marybess on Pinterest
22. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff into magic.  Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins and you can transform your living room into the cave of wonders.  For the rest of his life, he’ll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
Source: None via Tabitha on Pinterest
23. Take him to new places
Because it will make his brain and his heart open up wider, and the ideas and questions and memories will rush in.
Source: None via Anne on Pinterest
24. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet.  They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day.  But there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender.  So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in your life and think, ‘what happens in between that made you lose that?’  Let’s try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they’re loving and kissing them even more when they’re wild.  Kissing them when they’re 2 months and kissing them when they’re 16 years old.  You’re the mom – you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets – and make sure he knows it.   p.s. (this one is just as important for dad’s too).
Source: smallesthings.blogspot.com via Sherry on Pinterest
25. Be home base
You are home to him.  When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back.  When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile.  When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you’re the only one who will listen that many times.  When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands.  When he is sick, he will call you.  When he really messes up, he will call you.  When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious.  Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun.  Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
—————————————————————————————————————————–
Update:  January 2012
Thank you to all who have stopped by and given me words of encouragement & support.  Thank you to all who have re-posted, pinned, tweeted, or facebooked this post (and sourcing my site).  Thank you to those of you that have read my list as I had intended; as a reminder on the hard momma days when you feel like you either want to scream or lock yourself in the bathroom and cry…this was a list I wanted to come back and remind myself who I want to be to my child and who my child needs me to be.  How to be the best mom to my child.  I am inspired by the many readers who, despite disagreeing with a few word choices or rules, were able to make adaptations to the list for how they could be the best mom for their kid(s).   This was a list for me, but to hear from so many of you out there that were able to find a connection with it has been overwhelming, inspiring, and makes me feel very safe to know that I’m no where near alone in this crazy journey of raising a boy.
Many of you have asked for printable versions of my list..well, ask and you shall receive!
Visit here for the short version of my list (just the main points of the 25 rules)
Visit here for the full version of my list

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