Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?

Will you still need me; will you still feed me, when I’m sixty-four?

When The Beatles first sang this song in 1967 I was young enough that 35 seemed very old and the thought of ever turning 64 seemed pretty much impossible.  I just didn’t give it much thought.  Well sixty-four now passed me by.

I’ve been musing a lot lately; thinking, considering, evaluating, contemplating.  Probably because I am about to enter my sixty-fifth year and it is a new frontier.  Neither of my folks reached this age and I am the oldest of my siblings and most of my cousins.  I know, I know.  Many of you are saying 65 is not old and I keep hearing things like, ‘sixty is the new forty.’  Well, I remember forty and no it isn’t quite.  The spirit is willing, and there are many things I do that make me feel pretty good, pretty healthy, pretty young, but the song I most identify with is Toby Keith’s ‘As Good As I Once Was’.

‘I ain’t as good as I once was

But I’m as good once as I ever was.’

The most interesting thing to have happened this past week in talking to my friends/family about my party on Friday is that I don’t want any gifts because….and this is the most exciting part…I suddenly realized that there is nothing on this earth that I need or want.

This doesn’t mean that I have everything – it means I am happy, content and satisfied.

I went outside for my usual evening outing to look at the sky last night and on spying the first star I began my little ‘Star light, Star bright, grant the wish I wish tonight’ and stopped just as I started with the realization that I do not have anything to wish for.  And then the epiphany – I am happier right now than I have ever been in my life.  The knowledge came to me quite suddenly and without much ado – it just sort of is.

I still have mountains to climb, dreams to fulfill, stories to create, but I also have happiness, contentment, and gratitude.

I guess as I finish writing this I realize there is a wish I will make on tonight’s star, and that is that every one of you will find this same happiness.

I am fortunate to have people who love me – in spite of myself (I have marveled at that before) and if I have one particular goal this year it will be to let all of them know how much they mean to me.

Who knew?    I do know that this is already the best birthday of my life.

Monday Mayhem or Is It?

When the Mamas and the Papas sang “Monday Monday” the Monday mornings were fine, the Monday evenings not so much.

At Psycentral.wordpress.com Dr. Gary Wood did a nice piece in January about our perception of Monday and the Monday Morning Blues and gives us a few ideas about changing it.

It’s not just Mondays that are affected by perception of course, it is very single itsy bitsy thing in our lives including ourselves.  I like to play around with thoughts of what is real and what is reality anyway, but today the thought is about Mondays because I find it just plain fascinating.

All through my career my love of Mondays was sort of an optimistic hangover from Friday afternoons?  See?  I wasn’t too crazy about Friday mornings as those were reality mornings when the reality was…hmm, I may be losing you here.  Let me try to explain from the beginning, if in fact a circle can have a beginning. (Of course it does, because we perceive it to)  Oh!  Unless you perceive it to not have a beginning, which makes me wonder if that is more a negative perception?  But is there really such a thing as a negative perception or just a different one?  Difference does not have to be negative or positive does it?  It just can be.  I think.

Back to my point.  Mondays I started the week with goals for the week ahead.  I loved that feeling of having direction and it gave me some sense of security.  And hope. And optimism.  It was wonderful.  Friday mornings alas, I had to review what I achieved and what I did not and at times felt somewhat down (never severe enough to be called disheartened).  But oh joy when Friday afternoon I took my favorite hour of the day to set goals for the next week, building on my achievements of the previous week.  It was a great time to review and plan and felt darn good.  So when everyone else left on a Friday afternoon with a big smile on their faces because it was the weekend, I too left happy to enjoy a couple of days before I could start my well planned week!

I have missed that since retiring but I have an immense satisfaction that when Monday morning rolls around I am there to teach my grandson to look forward to his day and his week.  I ask him, “Gee, I wonder what new things you will learn this week?”  And as I watch him cross the school yard weaving a wobbly adventurous path as only eight year olds can do, I notice the spring in his step and my heart does its own little song and dance of joy.

Oil Changes and Assumptions

It’s nice to have time to sit quietly.  Where does one get this kind of time in the early morning?  Why at a Canadian Tire waiting for an oil change.  It’s quite lovely really sitting in an empty waiting room listening to the fellow at the front desk click away sporadically at his keyboard or field a call of enquiry on what services they provide and the resultant cost.

There has been a hint of summer approaching and babble that we would just skip spring altogether this year.  Ah then nature asserts his or her (why do we think of nature as a her?)  well..nature and we are reminded not to assume…anything..ever.  It makes me wonder how almanacs can be written with frequent accuracy or near accuracy so far into the future.  In the midst of our premature summer and early suntans we had one day and night of cold.  Cold enough to turn the beautiful pink magnolia blossoms brown and limp just hours before they were ready to burst in glory.   Three hardy little daffodils that surfaced earlier remain buttering an otherwise blah garden bed. We are so easily spoiled and then disappointed, forgetting there are basic reliable rules, one of those being, do not plant anything before May 24th.  Of course the way the weather is going it could be winter by then.  No, just kidding!  But not assuming anything.

And now the forecast is for 3-5 mm of snow tomorrow.  It may be a teaser but if not we will just wait it out.  Good thing I got my tan in the first to weeks of March!

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